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Resist the Urge to Call
The healing process cannot begin until you acknowledge that the break up is real. For many, the only way that can happen is if you cut the cord. That means no more contact, not an email, snail mail, phone call, IM or text message. Don’t run into him or her accidentally outside the health club or use lame excuses to make contact like, “Oh I just wondered if I’d left my Julio Iglesias CD at your place.” Buy another one. Take your ex off the speed dial and change the screensaver of the two of you kissing last Valentine’s Day. Don’t call when you know he or she isn’t home just to hear that beloved voice on the outgoing message. Breaking up is all about eliminating your mental dependence on familiarity. That's impossible without a sincere effort.
For the times when the urge to call the ex seems unbearable, have a “cheat sheet” ready listing all the reasons you’re better off being broken up. For instance, “She hated all my friends" or "he was judgmental and critical of me.”
Still concerned your willpower will win out over your resolve? Raise the stakes. Make a deal with a few close buddies. If you give in and dial those seven digits, swear to your friends that you will clean their houses for a month! High risk? Sure, but high reward in the end when you don't cave.
Posted: 11/20/08
