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Mike Riley

on Breaking Up
Co-author of How To Heal A Broken Heart In 30 Days

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Exclusive Interview

Mike Riley on Breaking Up

Mike Riley is the co-author of How To Heal A Broken Heart In 30 Days; A Day-By-Day Guide To Saying Goodbye And Getting On With Your Life. The book is one of the best-selling books on love and loss and is available in seven languages. His expertise is hard-won: he is a father who has suffered the sting of divorce. A successful inventor and entrepreneur, his success in business has taught him that readers need proven, practical ways to deal with the pain resulting from a breakup. Here, Riley shares how a couple of key coping exercises can help you get past the pain of a breakup.

What is the biggest challenge people face in the month following a breakup?

When you’re in such agony the risk of dumb behavior is highest. It feels like you’re in a big, dark room with no light. Grab a flashlight—in this case, fast remedial action. These remedies include calling good and trusted friends with a degree of wisdom, a physician or reading inspirational books. At those moments when you might be tempted toward self-destructive actions, such as stalking your ex or making anonymous phone calls, try one of these tactics. These same resources should be utilized if you’re drawn toward indulging in excessive drinking, doing drugs—anything to numb the pain. Later in your recovery you’ll be better equipped to deal with these impulses. When you’re on shaky ground, don’t hesitate to reach out.

What is your best piece of advice for people who are going through the first 30 days of breaking up?

You are not alone. This is an extremely common human experience. You have the ability to recover and you will. One of the most important things that can help keep you from slumping into depression is to develop an action plan. Make a list of positive measures you will regularly attempt, ranging from diet and exercise changes to crying, using humor or going to church—whatever provides you with emotional and spiritual comfort. Keep this list at your bedside and another copy at your office. Don’t worry if you don’t do everything on the list everyday. Do the best you can. The important point is knowing you have a series of remedies aimed at improving your state of mind.

What strategies can people employ to lessen the stress of a breakup?

At a time like this you’re most susceptible to anxiety and stress. And one of the most stressful things is noise. Studies have documented that noise above 85 decibels—just above conversational levels—leads to a rise in blood pressure, heart rate [and] the sweat on your skin increases. Therefore one sound strategy to limit stress is to soundproof or at least reduce the amount of noise you are exposed to everyday. Remedies include everything from noise-canceling headphones to thick draperies and carpeting to acoustic panels mounted on walls and in corners.

Touch is a sensory experience that can be used to reduce stress. In the bins of your local garden supply shop are “river washed rocks”—palm-able oval black rocks, preferably one to two inches in diameter. If you carry one around and reach into your pocket or purse to touch it in stressful moments, it will be extremely soothing.

Why should recent breakup sufferers cry for at least 15 minutes a day, and what should they do if the tears don’t come easily?

Studies have found there is a chemical difference between tears resulting from being sad versus tears induced from, say, wind blowing in your face. The former contain trace elements regarded as toxic, meaning that these tears are ridding you of byproducts of stress and depression.

To do a proper job of “flushing” your feelings of loss, set aside 15 minutes daily. Here’s an exercise to help stimulate tears: stand erect, place your hand above your heart, close your eyes and take short, sharp breaths while listening to music that brings on sorrowful feelings. Just be careful not to hyperventilate. If you start feeling dizzy, pause between your series of sharp breaths.

If someone in the first 30 days of a breakup suddenly starts feeling better, does that mean the worst has passed?

Unfortunately no. The first 30 days is a time of wild emotional swings—from extreme hopelessness to enormous relief to giddy excitement. It’s very unpredictable. Again, the best way to combat this is by having an action plan.

What is the one factor that is crucial for recovery to begin?

You must be able to let go. There are addictive qualities that make it extremely difficult for people to recognize that human relationships have a finite period of time, whether determined by death or a decision by one or both partners. This difficulty often leads people to construct fantasies in their heads rather than accept the reality.

What can someone learn from the pain caused by breaking up?

The acquired wisdom that suffering brings can help you use that suffering more intelligently. The idea is not to be afraid of love and to hold back, but to be mature and better gauge the next person you meet, as well as to better understand yourself. You are the one who creates your relationships. Your life and the love in it are up to you!

How can one transform the inevitable self-pity that comes with a breakup into something more transcendent?

Try this compassion exercise. Sit on a park bench and simply observe the strangers around you. Settle on one person. Feel your consciousness open around your heart and open your heart toward that person. This can be uncomfortable if you haven’t done it before, but if you do this you will experience empathy and compassion toward this stranger and an awareness of his or her sadness. Do not talk or interact with the person. Try to be unobtrusive as you gaze at him or her.

It’s easiest to initially do this exercise with a stranger, but you can then try this with people with whom you’re closer. Once you’re accepting and loving of others you can direct your empathy and compassion toward yourself.

Ironically, the best time to practice compassion toward others is when you’re wrapped in self-pity. This helps to restore a sense of trust, openness and optimism in yourself.

SIGNATURE QUESTIONS

What is the belief you personally go to during times of change?

When confronted with a change, I tell myself this situation is part of the flow of life. In managing to find the positive value in difficult circumstances, there is the possibility for tremendous growth.

The best thing about change is…

…it provides for maturation and growth.

What’s the best change you ever made?

I realized the corrosive nature of the negative feelings I felt toward my ex-wife was self-destructive, so I surrendered the bitterness.

For more information on Mike Riley's book, visit www.amazon.com

SilviaSoulez

Are you going through a break-up or divorce?
My Heart was full of pain and great sorrow when my boyfriend broke up with and move to another country, I thought I had lost everything.i cry all day and think that he will never come back to me again.until i came across a testimony by a man Tom Irwin about how Dr .Goodluck help him to get back his EX wife within 17 hours.so i said to myself that maybe this was worty giving a try so I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 17 hours later, my (Ex Boyfriend) called me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal and our love is now stronger that he can't do without being with me. I and my boyfriend are living together happily once again. Dr .Goodluck is the best online spell caster that is real powerful and genuine. And when I was at my most desperate,he didn’t take advantage of me. You performed a very good service for a person in truly in need. I don’t know how you did it, or how this magic works, but all I know is, IT WORKED for me!! Collins and i are happily back together, and I’ll always be grateful to Dr.unity, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact,
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Call or Whats-app him: +2348138654465
website Link

Ashleyvivian

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Laurachrist

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Laurachrist

Contact Dr Raypower at urgentspellcast@gmail.com if you want to get your Husband, Wife, Boyfriend and Girlfriend back now and regain your happiness.

Hi i am Laura Christ from USA I have just experience the wonders of Dr. Raypower love spell, that have been spread on the internet and worldwide, How he marvelously helped people all over the world to restored back their marriage life and get back lost lovers, and also help to win lottery. I contacted him after going through so many testimonies from different people how he help to bring back ex lover back, i told him about my husband that abandoned me about 8 months ago, and left home with all i had.. Dr Raypower only told me to smile and have a rest of mind he will handle all in just 24 hours, After the second day my husband called me, i was just so shocked, i pick the call and couldn't believe my ears, he was really begging me to forgive him and making promises on phone.. He came back home and also got me a new car just for him to proof his love for me. i was so happy and called Dr Raypower and thanked him, he only told me to share the good news all over the world ..Well if your need an effective and real spell caster contact Dr Raypower Via email: urgentspellcast@gmail.com

lizzydixon

My mouth is full of testimonies, my girlfriend left for two years to Canada for a tourist, where she meant one bad ass and she was bewitch by the guy so surprisingly my girlfriend refuse to come back home again, i cry day and night looking for who to help me, i read a news paper about a powerful spell caster called Dr.ojoka and i contacted the spell caster to help me get my lover back to me and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods we fight for me.. he told me by mid-night when all the spirit is at rest he will cast a spell to reunite my lover back to me. and he did in less than 2 days my girlfriend came back to me and started crying that i should for forgive her, I'm so happy for what this spell caster did for me and my girlfriend. Dr.ojoka is a genuine Dr contact him on his Email:dr.ojokarootandherbal@gmail.com or whatsapp on his Mobile:+2348144172934
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About Mike Riley

After getting a great education, I spent a couple of decades as a senior executive and strategist for major ad agencies and Fortune 500 clients. Then I did a right-angle turn and successfully applied my learning to entrepreneurial midwifery of new corporations. Along the way, I became a parent of two lovely and responsible young adults, became an inventor, and published a best-selling book based on my learnings, following my divorce from my first wife.

How to Heal a Broken Heart in 30 Days: A Day-by-Day Guide to Saying Good-bye and Getting On With Your Life

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Follow Howard Bronson and Mike Riley as they lead you through their 30-day plan for recovering from your broken heart. They will guide you through a brief period of mourning for your loss, and then the process of rebuilding yourself and your life. ...

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