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MJ Acharya

MJ Acharya

Author, blogger and healer of broken hearts

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Mike Riley

Mike Riley

Co-author of How To Heal A Broken Heart In 30 Days

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Melissa Kantor

Melissa Kantor

Author of the young adult novel The Breakup Bible

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If you have questions about this change, you're in the right place. Our editors, experts, and community of change optimists have answers!


Question:When the final bit of hope go away????????????????

I just read Adriane's book and I loved it. Cried a lot, meditated, thought and wrote and cried some more.

My boyfriend and I broke up in April; don't know why except that he has issues that he can't seem to resolve. He never gave me a reason, never picked up his furniture, never forwarded his mail.

To this day, he still loves me and misses me but hasn't tried to come back. I don't think he could do what he would need to do to make up for the pain he has caused me.

Anyway, I am going to try and be brief.

I am trying to accept the fact that it is over and that God was protecting me from bigger trouble down the road. I am trying to accept the fact that no matter what he cannot be the kind of husband I deserve...(I thought we were getting engaged last February.) I try so hard to trust and have faith in my future and i know I will have a great life....


There is still a part of me that truly believes, from the bottom of my heart and the deepest part of my soul, that we are "supposed" to be together.

Even when I feel I wouldn't take him back, that is still in my head....

How do I make that go away. If we were "supposed" to be together, we would be together.

Thanks for listening.


Asked by profshell on 11/16/08 13 Answers»


I love what eherzer says (you are so wise!) and, of course, it's advice I need to take myself. I have a tendency to want to fix things, people, situations. I'd be in there trying to fix, fix, fix and probably get my heart broken in the process.

I agree the best thing you can do is walk away (emotionally) from a relationship that appears will never give you what you need. We're meant to live in joy, not sadness and to be with people who stimulate and support - not confuse us.

As women I think we have a tendency to feel sorry for and want to nurture people who are broken. We neglect our own needs and settle for less than we deserve. I don't think anything good can ever come of that.

You might want to write a letter releasing this person from your heart. Even if you never mail it, it might be a good exercise to get it all out on paper.

Answered by: VictoriaB on 11/18/08


I empathize with all of you and it easy much easier to tell people what they should do than do it. I had my heart broken by a man that I completely changed and uprooted my life for. I loved him so much I felt as if I were having the life sucked out of me when we broke up. And every time I would try to move on, he would come back - he did not really want me, but he did not want to let me go or anyone else to have me. I spent two years going through this cycle with him. Once. I made the decision to move on and live my life, I was so much happier. I do think it is possible to get over someone you loved. Surround yourself with positive people, experience life and read books that will help you. And if you need a therapist you should enlist their help. I think you will always have wonderful memories and a place in your heart for someone you have loved, but as the saying goes, one door must close before another will open. My advice would be to focus on YOU, creating a life that is important and meaningful to you. When you do, you will attract into your life someone who will complement your life and vice-versa. Love is not perfect, but give your love to someone who deserves it and will treat you as you deserve to be treated and loved. Here is a quote I love and hope will help... "The last thing you expect or want in life is often the first thing to take you on your journey in life." - Timothy Shriver

Answered by: eherzer on 11/17/08


The final bit of hope will go away when you choose to let it go.

You say he still loves you and misses you...that doesn't jive with the behavior you've described. I think say to ourselves that we're "supposed" to be with someone when we have convinced ourselves that we don't deserve better.

You do deserve better, my friend. Better than someone who walks out without saying goodbye. The others here are tight that there's a difference between knowing that in your head and in your heart—here's praying that your heart is restored a bit each day and that you'll be stronger for it.

Answered by: Kiki76 on 11/17/08


Hi, ladies
I know what you are going through, I was in a abusive relationship, not physical but mental, depressed and everything. Many years went by, then I finally opened my eyes and seen a clear picture. I was wasting my life away on a man that did not deserve me. When I was down, I only had self help books to thank for that got me on the straight path. Try reading books with meaning, they will do wonders. The two that I can recommend: Enough is enough, and Don’t say yes when you mean no. You need a lot of positive energy to enter your minds. Thoughts do a lot, just remember you are all special, valuable and deserve better. Remember thing all happen for a reason, and its always because something better will come its way, just be patient and open to the new possibilities. Start living your life. Don’t let anyone let you down. Repeat this every time the feeling come back. I personally love this quote “ live each day as it were your last, ‘cause one day it will be” Start living and don’t look back!

Answered by: Tina123 on 11/17/08


That feeling might not ever go away, but you just might find that in the course of going about your business and living your life to the fullest, it will slowly fade . My guess is your feelings are already less than they were just after the breakup.The important thing right now is to not be so consumed with feelings for your ex that you don't have any room for anyone or anything new to come in. Also, don't beat yourself up for still having feelings for your ex. It's only natural especially if the two of you spent a lot of quality time together. Appreciate the time you had together, learn from it and get excited about each new day!

Answered by: runnindownadream on 11/17/08


Hi Michelle,
I was reading your story and I don't have an answer but I do relate to how you are feeling so much. I am in the exact same spot. My ex hurt me more than I could have imagined and logically I think there is no way I would take him back after what he did to me but I struggle with why I continue to think about him and miss him....and after everything he did I still feel that somehow we are supposed to be together...it's just crazy. Logically I wonder how in the world I would want to be with somehow that continues to hurt me. I don't want to miss him or wake up in the middle of the night thinking about him. I'm tired of hurting. Maybe someone will have some suggestions for us.

Answered by: Swhite on 11/17/08
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