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Question:dating a married man

Even though this is embarrassing to admit, I was seeing a married guy. Well the reason was that we knew each other for a while and I was always drawn to him. I never met or seen his wife, we mentioned that he moved, that he has finalize this, that she is mentally dysfunctional. I got my feeling get carried away. It ends us he still lives with her, but they don’t talk. Typical man. Well the wife got a hold of a phone bill and seen all our calls, and started calling me in search of answers. He threw everything on me, that I was calling him and asking him out for drinks. How should I deal with this, he was my good friend, am just shocked, I know I should have known better but what’s done is done. Should I tell the wife about this, or just let it go and ignore her calls? Should I confront him, next time I see him?

Asked by Tina123 on 11/17/08 6 Answers»



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Answered by: veartwani on 3/13/13


How typical for the Man to blame everything on the mistress. That in itself means something. If he didn't care about his marriage he wouldn't have tried to push all the blame on you. He obviously does care about his Wife and was lying to you. I would tell him and his Wife, to lose your phone number... And when she kicks him out, which most likely she will, I certainly wouldn't take him in.

Answered by: Forseer on 11/29/09
Brenda Della Casa


Dear Tina123:
Why is it that nearly all of the married men who have affairs seem to be married to mentally ill, control freaks with sexual dysfunctions? Give me a break.

This cad is not a typical man, he’s a typical liar and while you were no saint to go dancing around deception town with him, he is the one who had the ring on his finger and the trusting wife at home.

Make no mistake that if even 20% of the malarkey this guy told you were true, he wouldn’t be on his knees, begging his wife for forgiveness and blaming you for every terrible decision he made.

If his wife comes to you with questions, you should give her truthful answers and let her do with them what she will. She absolutely has a right to know what is going on in her marriage and it is important to understand that while she might be less than polite, she is not your enemy. Right now, she is likely feeling betrayed, shocked and utterly destroyed by a man who had promised to love her and be faithful to her.

As for you, please know that you are worthy of an unmarried, unattached man. Divorce is an option in all 50 states. If someone is unhappily married, they can leave a marriage but to help someone sneak around and allow yourself to be the other woman is the very definition of selling yourself short-regardless of what he says his circumstances are.

Good Luck!
Brenda Della Casa
Author, Cinderella Was a Liar

Answered by: Brenda Della Casa on 11/20/08


The issues you're dealing with are separate from the ones your friend is dealing with. Yes, you knew what you were doing was wrong, but he was the one cheating on his girlfriend. That's his issue to deal with.

Answered by: runnindownadream on 11/19/08


Hi, Tina,
I'm sorry to hear about the situation you're in. As Victoria said, it sounds sticky for sure. You say you two were good friends before this, but if that's the case, didn't you know he was married, even if it was unhappily married? The next issue I see is that again, if he was a good friend, to throw you under the bus like that and place all the blame on you is not a very "friendly" (or honoroable) thing to do. If the man had been willing to own up to his wife about you, then I would say maybe it would be appropriate to answer her calls and questions. However, because he didn't do that, I would say to ignore her calls as well as his calls, and try to remove yourself from them as much as possible. Good luck; I know that's easier said than done.

Answered by: LauraLee311 on 11/18/08


Hi, Tina

That's a sticky one, for sure. I'm sorry you found yourself in the middle of that. Your friend has put you in a difficult situation by already stating his side of the story.

I'm not one to give advice and being non confrontational, I'd probably ignore the calls. What good can it do to get into a conversation about what did or did not happen, but that's just me.

Answered by: VictoriaB on 11/18/08
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