Riley_mike

Mike Riley

on Breaking Up
Co-author of How To Heal A Broken Heart In 30 Days

Favorite Cheer!

Exclusive Interview

Mike Riley on Breaking Up

Mike Riley is the co-author of How To Heal A Broken Heart In 30 Days; A Day-By-Day Guide To Saying Goodbye And Getting On With Your Life. The book is one of the best-selling books on love and loss and is available in seven languages. His expertise is hard-won: he is a father who has suffered the sting of divorce. A successful inventor and entrepreneur, his success in business has taught him that readers need proven, practical ways to deal with the pain resulting from a breakup. Here, Riley shares how a couple of key coping exercises can help you get past the pain of a breakup.

What is the biggest challenge people face in the month following a breakup?

When you’re in such agony the risk of dumb behavior is highest. It feels like you’re in a big, dark room with no light. Grab a flashlight—in this case, fast remedial action. These remedies include calling good and trusted friends with a degree of wisdom, a physician or reading inspirational books. At those moments when you might be tempted toward self-destructive actions, such as stalking your ex or making anonymous phone calls, try one of these tactics. These same resources should be utilized if you’re drawn toward indulging in excessive drinking, doing drugs—anything to numb the pain. Later in your recovery you’ll be better equipped to deal with these impulses. When you’re on shaky ground, don’t hesitate to reach out.

What is your best piece of advice for people who are going through the first 30 days of breaking up?

You are not alone. This is an extremely common human experience. You have the ability to recover and you will. One of the most important things that can help keep you from slumping into depression is to develop an action plan. Make a list of positive measures you will regularly attempt, ranging from diet and exercise changes to crying, using humor or going to church—whatever provides you with emotional and spiritual comfort. Keep this list at your bedside and another copy at your office. Don’t worry if you don’t do everything on the list everyday. Do the best you can. The important point is knowing you have a series of remedies aimed at improving your state of mind.

What strategies can people employ to lessen the stress of a breakup?

At a time like this you’re most susceptible to anxiety and stress. And one of the most stressful things is noise. Studies have documented that noise above 85 decibels—just above conversational levels—leads to a rise in blood pressure, heart rate [and] the sweat on your skin increases. Therefore one sound strategy to limit stress is to soundproof or at least reduce the amount of noise you are exposed to everyday. Remedies include everything from noise-canceling headphones to thick draperies and carpeting to acoustic panels mounted on walls and in corners.

Touch is a sensory experience that can be used to reduce stress. In the bins of your local garden supply shop are “river washed rocks”—palm-able oval black rocks, preferably one to two inches in diameter. If you carry one around and reach into your pocket or purse to touch it in stressful moments, it will be extremely soothing.

Why should recent breakup sufferers cry for at least 15 minutes a day, and what should they do if the tears don’t come easily?

Studies have found there is a chemical difference between tears resulting from being sad versus tears induced from, say, wind blowing in your face. The former contain trace elements regarded as toxic, meaning that these tears are ridding you of byproducts of stress and depression.

To do a proper job of “flushing” your feelings of loss, set aside 15 minutes daily. Here’s an exercise to help stimulate tears: stand erect, place your hand above your heart, close your eyes and take short, sharp breaths while listening to music that brings on sorrowful feelings. Just be careful not to hyperventilate. If you start feeling dizzy, pause between your series of sharp breaths.

If someone in the first 30 days of a breakup suddenly starts feeling better, does that mean the worst has passed?

Unfortunately no. The first 30 days is a time of wild emotional swings—from extreme hopelessness to enormous relief to giddy excitement. It’s very unpredictable. Again, the best way to combat this is by having an action plan.

What is the one factor that is crucial for recovery to begin?

You must be able to let go. There are addictive qualities that make it extremely difficult for people to recognize that human relationships have a finite period of time, whether determined by death or a decision by one or both partners. This difficulty often leads people to construct fantasies in their heads rather than accept the reality.

What can someone learn from the pain caused by breaking up?

The acquired wisdom that suffering brings can help you use that suffering more intelligently. The idea is not to be afraid of love and to hold back, but to be mature and better gauge the next person you meet, as well as to better understand yourself. You are the one who creates your relationships. Your life and the love in it are up to you!

How can one transform the inevitable self-pity that comes with a breakup into something more transcendent?

Try this compassion exercise. Sit on a park bench and simply observe the strangers around you. Settle on one person. Feel your consciousness open around your heart and open your heart toward that person. This can be uncomfortable if you haven’t done it before, but if you do this you will experience empathy and compassion toward this stranger and an awareness of his or her sadness. Do not talk or interact with the person. Try to be unobtrusive as you gaze at him or her.

It’s easiest to initially do this exercise with a stranger, but you can then try this with people with whom you’re closer. Once you’re accepting and loving of others you can direct your empathy and compassion toward yourself.

Ironically, the best time to practice compassion toward others is when you’re wrapped in self-pity. This helps to restore a sense of trust, openness and optimism in yourself.

SIGNATURE QUESTIONS

What is the belief you personally go to during times of change?

When confronted with a change, I tell myself this situation is part of the flow of life. In managing to find the positive value in difficult circumstances, there is the possibility for tremendous growth.

The best thing about change is…

…it provides for maturation and growth.

What’s the best change you ever made?

I realized the corrosive nature of the negative feelings I felt toward my ex-wife was self-destructive, so I surrendered the bitterness.

For more information on Mike Riley's book, visit www.amazon.com

Alexandria22

Real love spell caster that work to bring back ex lover no matter why he left you.
My boyfriend that left me few months ago just came back to me last night crying for me to take him back. After 3 year relationship with my boyfriend, he changed suddenly and stopped contacting me regularly, he would come up with excuses of not seeing me all the time. He stopped answering my calls and my sms and he stopped seeing me regularly. I then started seeing him with different girls several times but every time he would say that he love me and that he needed some time to think about our relationship. But cannot stop thinking about him so i decided to go online and i saw so many good talk about this spell caster called dr unity and i contact him and explain my problems to him. He cast a love spell for me. and after 28hours, my boyfriend came back to me and started begging me to forgive him and we moved in together after a few months and he was more open to me than before and he started spending more time with me than his friends. We eventually got married and now have been married happily with a son. Ever since Dr unity helped me, my boyfriend is very stable, faithful and closer to me than before.You can also contact this spell caster and get your relationship fix .Here’s his contact, WhatsApp him: +2348055361568 or Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,website:https://drunity.simplesite.com

SynderAnderson

I meant a friend who directed me to spell caster called Dr PADMAN online who help people to solve their relationship and marriage problems i never believed in spell until i meet a man called Dr Dr PADMAN, who help me cast a spell that bring back my ex-lover who left me for two years before our marriage,His spells works beyond my imaginations and today i am happily married with two kids and me and my [ex-lover] now husband are very happy more than ever before,what more can i say rather than to say thank you Dr PADMAN for been there for me,contact him today and your life will never ever remain the same his Email: padmanlovespell@yahoo.com. Whatsapp +1949229386 (info@padmanspell.com) website: Link

Mary5432

Great Mother is Real... I am Aisha Kun and i want to testify about Great Mother how she cured me of hiv aids. I was diagnosed of this disease some time ago and i was worried. when i was searching the internet looking for a cure, i came across some testimonies of Great Mother how she has helped a lot of people and i decided to contact her on her info and explained to her. She laughed and told me that she will help me and i was surprised. She sent me the cure and it was a spiritual holy oil and water which is more than a medicine. She directed me on how to take it and i did. I took the cure for 3 weeks and i went to the doctor for check up and to my greatest surprise the disease was no longer in my system. I am so glad and i want to thank Great Mother for helping me. Contact her now on her website ourgreatmother1.com   and her email is Greatmotherofsolutiontemple1@yahoo.com  you can also reach her on her whatsapp number  +17025514367. If you have any disease, she can help you. Contact her now

Roseu5432

MY STORY HERE IS REAL AND GENUINE. My name is Adams Vienna and i am here to testify about Great Mother who brought back my man to me when he broke up with me because of another woman who he met at his place of work. Great Mother is a very powerful, real and unique woman with special powers. I tried to get help from many places and sources to bring back my man but nothing worked but when i contacted Great Mother, she made me smile again by bringing my man back to me with her special powers.. If you are experiencing any problems in your marriage, relationship, and you have any similar problem to this, contact this Great Woman now she will help you. Here is her website: Ourgreatmother1.com   and here is her email address: Greatmotherofsolutiontemple1@yahoo.com   and you can also contact her now on her own Whatsapp number: +17025514367 You can either contact her on her website, email or her whatsapp number. Thank you Great Mother.  

Roseu5432

MY STORY HERE IS REAL AND GENUINE. My name is Adams Vienna and i am here to testify about Great Mother who brought back my man to me when he broke up with me because of another woman who he met at his place of work. Great Mother is a very powerful, real and unique woman with special powers. I tried to get help from many places and sources to bring back my man but nothing worked but when i contacted Great Mother, she made me smile again by bringing my man back to me with her special powers.. If you are experiencing any problems in your marriage, relationship, and you have any similar problem to this, contact this Great Woman now she will help you. Here is her website: Ourgreatmother1.com   and here is her email address: Greatmotherofsolutiontemple1@yahoo.com   and you can also contact her now on her own Whatsapp number: +17025514367 You can either contact her on her website, email or her whatsapp number. Thank you Great Mother.  

About Mike Riley

After getting a great education, I spent a couple of decades as a senior executive and strategist for major ad agencies and Fortune 500 clients. Then I did a right-angle turn and successfully applied my learning to entrepreneurial midwifery of new corporations. Along the way, I became a parent of two lovely and responsible young adults, became an inventor, and published a best-selling book based on my learnings, following my divorce from my first wife.

How to Heal a Broken Heart in 30 Days: A Day-by-Day Guide to Saying Good-bye and Getting On With Your Life

41m60p8bz9l

Follow Howard Bronson and Mike Riley as they lead you through their 30-day plan for recovering from your broken heart. They will guide you through a brief period of mourning for your loss, and then the process of rebuilding yourself and your life. ...

Mike%20riley%20earglasses