Founder – Chief Change Optimist – Author – Host – Speaker – TV/Radio Personality – Mentor
Ariane de Bonvoisin - Founder and Chief Change Optimist

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Monday, July 14, 2008

Change and the Chicken

One of the things we do when we want to change something is we remain very vague. After all, the less specific we are, the better chance we have of seeing that change come to pass, right? Wrong!

I want a new job...I want a boyfriend/girlfriend...I want a new home...I want to lose weight. But how? When? What kind? How much? Somehow we've stopped believing that we can have exactly what we want. So many of us are willing to take whatever we are given, and thus, we find ourselves in a job we didn't really want or a relationship we know doesn't really feel right.

When we say something like "I want a relationship," it's similar to going into a restaurant and saying to the waiter "I want chicken."

"What type of chicken?" inquires the waiter.

"Oh, you know, just chicken. Whatever you have is fine," you claim.

So the dear waiter comes back to present you with fried chicken. "Oh. I don't eat fried chicken," you say.  So, with little direction from you, he comes back out with chicken and pasta. "That's nice...but I have a wheat allergy." Round and round you and the waiter go. He tries to guess what might work and presents you with various options, while you try and figure out what you want along the way.

That's a fine way to act if you want to be perpetually frustrated (and end up with a plate of penne in your lap.) Here's an invitation from me to you: Be specific in what kind of change you want. Rather than ask for a relationship, visualize and ask for the specific kind of person you wish to be with. Instead of asking for a job, solidify the exact work environment and responsibilities you're seeking. The more clear you are, the better your chances of succeeding. It's easier for  life to bring you what you are clearly focused on!

Remember your friend the waiter and your chicken—it's only when you're specific that you get the thing you want. How are you asking for what you want? Where can you be more specific in your life? Let me know—specifically—what changes you're moving toward.


I want to be computer-wise. In my mind's eye, I see myself having all the skills & wisdom it takes to do anything I set my mind to -- on the computer.

In July '07, I joined SeniorNet, a group which teaches seniors computer skills. Last year, I was at 0 level; today, a year later, I am at 1, and climbing. It's only Up from here.

At the same time, July '07, I took a class in chainmaking. What a deep sense of satisfaction creating beautiful things, like a Byzantine style chain! I have started adding beads or polished stones within the chains. I see myself beginning to create more jewelry.

I plan to take a wire-wrapping class to learn to make focal points &/or pendants for the necklaces.

Both of these projects give a deep contribute to a sense of wellbeing, & are a factor in reinforcing the present change, being a happier person!