We learn what we want by experiencing what we don't want.
However, many times we don't realize what we don't want until it arrives in our lives... and even then we may still accept it. I learnt a lot about myself in this last relationship, and I have changed the undesirable traits I had, for him, for the relationship. Then I realized what I really wanted and deserved and left, but he never even asked why. I guess he changed too. i am someone's ideal, just not his.