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Question:I'm really dont know how to get through this?

My bf and I have been together for 1.5 years. Recently we have hit some hard times. He is now unsure what he wants. I have a child from a previous relationship and she is very attached to him. It is slowly breaking my heart knowing that he might end things. I really dont know what to do.. i want to marry this guy in the future. Please help.


Asked by muskokagal on 8/8/08 1 Answer»


Hi, Muskokagal

It sounds like your BF is the one in control ... "he's not sure what he wants... you're worrying knowing that "he might end things." I wish there was a way you could turn this around and be the one who is making the decisions. And, if not I'd wish you and your daughter could help lessen the hurt if he does walk away.

Is it better to force a honest conversation rather than be left wondering? Can you ask him to honestly tell you where his head is at and what he's thinking? It seems very unfair to have to wait and watch when you could be preparing yourself and your child for what lies ahead.

If you want to marry him you need to find out if he feels the same and, if so, start moving in that direction. If not, you need to make a plan for moving on with your life and finding someone who will love, honor and respect you and your daughter the way you deserve to be loved, honored and respected.

Ariane's principles of change are always handy for me. I really enjoyed reading her book. A few of the thoughts are ones I go to all the time, like the idea that you're stronger and more resilient than you know ... think back on other tough times you've been through and remember how you managed.

Also, the importance of "taking action, having a plan and taking care of yourself"

By taking action you are in control and not at the mercy of what someone else is thinking of doing. Taking action can make you feel much better about what's going on. So can having a plan. So, if he leaves what's your plan? How will you fill the days and nights? How will you explain it to your daughter? Have a plan. You'll feel better. And, don't forget to take care of yourself. Ariane uses the acronym SEED, which stands for:
Sleep -- get plenty of quality sleep
Eat -- don't forget to eat and eat the right foods (healthful foods)
Exercise -- moving is key to changing your mood. You can't be depressed when you're exercising.
Drink -- drink plenty of water. Drinking water helps keep you hydrated, gives you energy and flushes the harmful toxins from your body.

Take care of yourself. Know that you are loved and that everything will turn out for the best.

Answered by: VictoriaB on 8/12/08
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