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Our Breaking Up Experts

MJ Acharya

MJ Acharya

Author, blogger and healer of broken hearts

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Mike Riley

Mike Riley

Co-author of How To Heal A Broken Heart In 30 Days

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Melissa Kantor

Melissa Kantor

Author of the young adult novel The Breakup Bible

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Q&A

If you have questions about this change, you're in the right place. Our editors, experts, and community of change optimists have answers!

k8epl1

Question:Is it terrible to break up over e-mail?

So I've been dating someone for a few weeks, and I know that its not going to go anywhere. He's perfectly nice and sweet, but there is just no spark. No "vah-vah-voom" as Carrie Bradshaw would say. Do you think its okay to send him an email? Do I HAVE to do it in person? I'm worried that he'll take it really hard. Is it ever okay to break up with someone over email, im or text?

Asked by k8epl1 on 2/8/08 3 Answers»
ErikaM

Answer:

I'm a big fan of email breakups. My Ex boyfriend recently broke off with me over email (we've been dating for 8 month). I was actually glad that he did it by email. It allowed me to keep my dignity intact because I could do the crying without him watching. I sent him a fairly unemotional, gracefull message back, wishing him well for the future. If he would have broken up with me in person or over the phone I would never have managed a gracefull and dignified reaction. While I'm still very sad at least I don't feel like I made a fool out of myself. That makes dealing with it a lot easier. He did offer in his email that he would call me later which I politely declined. I actually think it's a good way to break off if you can compose an email that sounds caring, explains clearly and offers to follow up with a conversation later.

Answered by: ErikaM on 6/29/08
kristen

Answer:

I think breaking up over email or text is pretty cold. If there's been more than one or two dates, you should at least call and tell the other person that it's not going to work out. Let him hear it in your voice that it's over—too much can be misinterpreted over email, and this way you can get it out cleanly and be done with it.

Answered by: kristen on 2/17/08
Anonymous

Answer:

How did you meet? I would say it might be OK to break up over e-mail...if it was a random meeting, through an acquaintance or just while out with friends, since it's only been a few weeks/couple of dates. But if it was a set-up by friends or family--with one of his or her friends--I'd say you want to step it up to at least the phone.

Answered by: Anonymous on 2/11/08
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