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newlife26

Question:Hate being Alone. Please help.

Hi A week ago I asked this a question on a different part of this website and I really didn't get an answer and I really need help with this The Question was Why am I Always an outcast? As a child I have always been positive upbeat, caring, hopeful, person but recently I have lost that spark. I have always been an out-cast where ever I go to family gatherings trying new stuff i.e. traveling by myself; trying to make friends. Ever since I have been a teen I have tried being someone different and now that Iam in my late 20s I realized I need to be myself.I really dont know what I am doing wrong in my friendships or with family. I have even gone to therapy and i am still an out-cast. Few years ago I got depressed and I now after three years i am learning how to get back to being myself the caring, upbeat, happy person. I want to know why is this happening and are there other people who are going through this or have been through this and how did they do it?

Asked by newlife26 on 2/10/09 2 Answers»
readergal

Answer:

I am a lot older than you and never married, came close a couple of times. Being alone, you will need to define that for yourself. Is that you feel you need stimulation from others to feel you are wanted or needed? Do simply need to be entertained by others because you don't care to entertain your self( some say that is because you don't like yourself, which you have mentioned you feel you need to be "you") are you feeling this way because you are afraid truly or succumbing to peer or society pressures of the adage "everyone needs/should have someone and you are not worth anything to the world unless you have someone philosophy?

I find that in my area of the world that the southern mentality is one of "dependence" for women and it is expected for them to have a significant other or they are ostracized, but in large cities it is not that way, either in the South or other parts of the US. I can't speak for foreign metropolises. be that as it may, you are at a young stage and just now beginning to mature. that is great. so you will go through this phase of feeling alone that is OK too. Discover why you are feeling this way and try to find ways to overcome it. If it's family or friends pressuring you to find someone or always be part of something, gently discuss this with them and tell them back off in a nice way until you can find your comfortable path. it is not easy but it can be done!! i know i am over 50 and have had to go this it was eye opening, good, yet a bit painful.
It is hard to be alone for many, while that may not bring comfort, remember this: it is OK to be alone! You do have friends - maybe not a herd of them- but some good pals, i presume and also family you can talk to as well( maybenot in the same town but a phone call away) so you can be in contact with others. that is a first step.
Try to find some outside interests to fit some of your time productively but in a fun way, maybe take a continuing education class at your local college, or a course in crafting someplace, or joing a book review group, or if you a musical tickets to concerts, if you are arty try going to plays, ballets, dance recitals or galleries or musuems. all are perfectly acceptable for singles to attend and you often meet others there as well. all it takes, i have found, is to smile and same something that promotes conversation. often try older women first. they are receptive many times to younger individuals and can sort of "mother" you to help you feel more included. it is a nice feeling to feel a part of the crowd most definitely.
good luck, it does get better truly. You may or may not be religious/spiritual, but your maker can be prayed/talked to and it does provide some comfort! inspirational reading can help you calm your fears.

Answered by: readergal on 3/26/10
didilo

Answer:

I guess you try to hard. First try to do fun things at your own, go having lunch at a nice place and enjoy, go to the movies and enjoy! If you want more people in your life, you have to got you own life to invite them in. People are attracted to people who can enjoy life (even on their own). Don't think to much of how you have to be, just enjoy. If somebody doesn't appreciate that, it's not somebody you need in your life. I'm sorry if I got your problem wrong and gave you a stupid answer. I got a problem with the feeling of being alone as well. I got a lot of people around me, but at the end of the day I know I have to live my life on my own, and that's hard sometimes. Good luck, you can do it!

Answered by: didilo on 10/2/09
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