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Lori Buckley

Lori Buckley

Licensed clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist.

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Ian Kerner

Ian Kerner

Sex expert, certified counselor and author

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Tristan Taormino

Sex educator, author and Village Voice columnist

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Top 5 Things to Do

Whether you think your sex life is ho-hum or pretty decent, you could probably use some pointers to spice things up. These proven “self-examination” and “team-building techniques” will have your toes curling in no time:

1. Define what you want.

Take some time by yourself in a quiet, non-distracting environment. Ask yourself the following questions: What’s missing in my sex life? What makes me feel sexy? What makes me feel sensual? What turns me on? Whether you write it down in a sex diary or make a mental note, define what it is that you want and need in your sex life.

2. Get physical.

Getting in shape is a great way to have better sex. Not only will you feel more comfortable with your body, but all that shaping and toning will get your partner’s attentions. You’ll also get an energy boost, which can help improve your stamina in bed. To see results, exercise any way you like—walk, run, hike, bike, swim, dance, play basketball or baseball—for at least 30 minutes a day for three to five days a week.

3. Get to “know” yourself.

Even if you’re in a relationship, masturbation is an important technique to perfect on your path to a better sex life. Knowing what makes you feel good makes it easier to communicate your needs to your partner. It’s also a great way to kick-start your libido and remind you of what you’ve been missing.

4. Be alone with your partner.

A lack of emotional connection to your partner can be a killer for the monogamous sex life. If you’re not communicating, the likelihood that you’ll be able to connect in the bedroom is very small. Set a date with your partner every week. If you have kids, put them to bed early. Continue to strengthen your emotional connection with your partner.

5. Make a sex appointment.

Whether alone or with a partner, commit to a time to have sex and just do it. Scheduling sex may not seem very romantic, but the physical response is worth it and is sometimes just what you need to make intimacy a priority in your life.

Posted: 11/17/07