Lori Buckley

on Improving Your Sex Life
Licensed clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist.
Pasadena, CA

Favorite Cheer!


Dr. Buckley is a licensed clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist. She has extensive training and experience in relationship, couples and sex therapy. Her nurturing, open and direct style help create a warm, safe environment to discuss concerns which people often find difficult to talk about. She is a sexual advice columnist for both Best Life magazine and the Sinclair Institute, where she is on the advisory council. She also is a frequent guest on radio shows, and is the host of Personal Life Media’s podcast “On the Minds of Men.”

Advice on Change

Just be there and be the one who puts his partner first.
I know it’s not fair because it always seems like the man has to do the work (seducing, making their partner happy, foreplay), but when he does those things, he will have a better lover. He can put her first at the same time and talk about his needs too, so when she’s feeling attended to she’ll be more adept at what he wants. They can talk about it in a fun and loving way.

There are three things women want from you. Slow down, be attentive and lots of kissing. Kiss on the neck and face and in a loving adoring way. It’s not so much about romance, candles and fancy dinners, it is just about knowing you are doing something that makes us feel important and loved.

Basing good sex on how often you have sex is a mistake.
It really varies from person to person. It is important not to think about how often, but how satisfying. It’s about quality, how satisfied they are feeling. If you are feeling sexually frustrated, maybe that’s not enough.

Variety trumps boredom.
Women get bored too. We like to mix it up and have some fun. You don’t need to hang from the chandelier, but try something different. Go into a different room, strip in front of your partner or lie in bed horizontally instead of vertically. Just saying something like “I want to explore your body and learn new things” works too.

Get over bad sex by doing it again.
That’s it. There are so many different variables to having good sex. If a woman is distracted at all, it doesn’t matter what you do, she is not going to be present or really enjoy the sex. Know that there are times when it’s going to be earth moving, toe curling kind of sex and times when it’s kind of just 'eeh.' Sometimes both people will have orgasms and sometimes neither will. Just don’t make a big deal out of it.