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Our Improving Your Sex Life Experts

Lori Buckley

Lori Buckley

Licensed clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist.

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Ian Kerner

Ian Kerner

Sex expert, certified counselor and author

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Tristan Taormino

Tristan Taormino

Sex educator, author and Village Voice columnist

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Here, it’s all about opening the lines of communication. Find out what your partner needs and explain what you need to do to improve your time in the sack. “Your attention is the most seductive thing you have,” says Paget.

One way to show this attention is to explain to your partner that you want to make him or her happy, and not anyone else. “You could say, ‘I had a fantasy about you tying me up, or me tying you up or using this kind of vibrator or sex toy.’ If you can, be more open about your turn-ons and what turns your partner on,” says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., AOL's love and sex coach and author of Sex Detox: Recharge Desire. Revitalize Intimacy. Rejuvenate Your Love Life.

Jared James,* a 27-year-old from Brooklyn in a long-distance relationship, believes communication is especially important when you have limited time together. He found that constant direction during sex was most helpful in improving his sex life. “One thing to remember is that it can always get better as long as you two are on the same page,” Jared says.

Kathy admits that talking about sex with her husband was not on the top of her list of solutions, but she initiated a date night once a week to help improve their connection to each other. “I realized I desperately needed time with my husband, not just on the couch in front of the TV after we’ve put our baby to bed,” she says.

Just Do It!

Experimentation is key during this period of growth. With so many options out there, where do you begin? Paget suggests starting off slowly. “No one really knows what’s going to work for everyone else’s nerve system. My suggestion is to collect a number of ideas, like a buffet of ideas, and try one.”

Jared started doing some research to spice up his sex life, and found that pornography was a great tool for learning how to have better sex. “I started watching porn like I was a graduate student studying for a test,” Jared admits. Through this “research,” he and his girlfriend discovered that they liked to make their own sex tapes. “It makes my girlfriend feel so good that I want to watch a video of her. It’s a turn-on for her that I’m so turned on by her,” he says.

As for sexual styles, tantric-style sex has become a very popular method. Popularized by rocker Sting and his wife, Trudie Styler, tantra is a slow, meditative, spiritual practice that can often lead to multiple orgasms for both partners. The key is to make the mental connection to your partner. “Our mind is our biggest sex organ,” Kerner adds. “You can’t pleasure anybody’s body if you’re not connected to their mind in any way.”

Another sexy tip is to bring sex toys into the bedroom, such as vibrators. But, again, be sensitive about your partner’s reception to these tools.

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