Sparking Up a New Romance
Another, more traditional, avenue is for you to join a group or take a class in which you might meet someone with similar interests. If you’ve always wanted to learn how to play golf, now is the time to break out those clubs. If you’re interested in politics, you should volunteer for a local campaign. If you want to learn Spanish, you should start rolling those Rs in a foreign-language class. “Go to the place that energizes, excites and enlivens you,” Black recommends. “If you are doing something you love to do, if you are engaged and passionate, it’s like a giant beacon. People will find you.
As a relationship seeker, you shouldn’t shy away from risks. If your friends want to set you up with someone, you should go. If you hear about a singles cruise you want to take and none of your friends can join you, take the trip anyway. The key is for you to embrace the strong, fearless side of you personality that you may have forgotten about over the years. “Forget the ‘I don’t want to go alone’ attitude,” explains Spirtas. “Don’t just stay home; go anyway. Be a big boy or a big girl and go by yourself.
Turn On Your Love Light
Perhaps the most obvious—but least-utilized—tool for finding a new relationship is for you to send out signals that you’re open to meeting a potential date. Sitting in a coffee shop is better than sitting in a living room, but if you bury your head in a book, you are hardly approachable. Going to a bar with friends is fine, but huddling in a booth with them all night probably won’t lead to a phone number exchange with that cutie playing pool. “Be in the mindset for something great to come your way—make eye contact easily, smile readily,” Slotnick says. “Some people will get on an elevator, see a person they think is cute and talk to everyone on the elevator except the person they’re attracted to. You’ve got to stretch yourself, push yourself, dare yourself to take it further than you normally would.
Dean Harris, a 28-year-old real estate broker from Atlanta, says this principle was tough for him because, as he puts it, it meant “opening himself up for rejection.” But when he finally got up the nerve to introduce himself to the beautiful girl he always noticed at the gym, he was shocked at how easily their conversation flowed. After a few more conversations, he went a step further and asked her on a date. Nine months later, they’re still going strong. “And I seriously came close to never talking to her,” Dean says, shaking his head.