"I LOVE First 30 Days!" -Jenni
Read More Testimonials»

Our Grieving Experts

Dr. Therese Rando

Dr. Therese Rando

Psychologist, grief specialist and author of How to Go on...

Shared by First30Days View Profile»
David Kessler

David Kessler

Journalist, author and motivational speaker

Shared by First30Days View Profile»
Helen Fitzgerald

Helen Fitzgerald

Certified death educator, author and lecturer

Shared by First30Days View Profile»

Meet all of our Family Experts»

Got a Question?

Q&A

If you have questions about this change, you're in the right place. Our editors, experts, and community of change optimists have answers!

trebecca47

Question:I feel like part of me has died . Will it get worse?

I fall under most of the things that make me just want to give up. But I also want the pain,confusion,helplessness,bitterness, depression,& my life changes that are so uncomfortable that I am numb!!! I want to get better so that I can help others through the same things. I guess this is what I have to go through to learn what God has planned for me. I just can't do it like I think He wants. I need help. I shouldn't have had to lose my Michael!!!! I want him back! I see no need in posting this in all criteria I fall under. I have my daughter but right now we aren't as close as I'd like us to be. I need some medical care & that wears on me too.

Asked by trebecca47 on 10/25/08 3 Answers»
katiyana

Answer:

Will it get worse? Maybe, then eventually it starts to get better. Then one day out of the blue you'll feel like you're right back to the beginning for a couple of days. Grief doesn't seem to end, it ebb and flows in intensity as time passes.

I've lost track of the number of times I've laid in bed and asked God, "Why did you take my Dave away from me?" I've always believed that God never places challenges in front of us that we aren't strong enough to handle - so therefore he must see me as a very strong woman to have taken my loving husband, my rock, my soul mate, away from me so suddenly.

After 2 years, I still have my good days and my bad days (and some of those bad days are REALLY bad days). But I keep reminding myself that Dave believes me, and Dave wouldn't want me to stop living my life just because he stopped living his. Your Michael probably feels the same way.

Eventually you'll be able to find some joy and happiness in your life, and while it'll be tinged with sadness that Michael isn't there to share it with you, treasure those memories you have of him, keep him alive in your heart, and remember the love that you shared. Let that sustain you during those dark days.

It may get worse, but it certainly will get better - you just have to give it time.

Widowed in 2006

Answered by: katiyana on 11/7/08
Kristy101081

Answer:

Trebecca,

First, my condolences on your loss! It's never easy to lose those we love and I totally understand the feelings you have right now. Know this, while the sadness and feelings of loss never really leave us, it does get better with time because we learn that regardless of where we are, those we love will always be with us in heart and spirit.

LauraLee is right, though. You should allow yourself the chance to grieve and feel the emotions that you're feeling. Pretending otherwise can lead to destructive behaviors in the future. As for your daughter, she's probably feeling just as lost and scared as you are and she's looking to you for help. Allow each other to be a comfort to one another and perhaps you'll find your way from the despair - which I think is the hardest one to overcome, at least it was for me.

I think it is a wonderful thing that you can consider helping others, even in your time of grief! You'll reach a point where life holds joy again, but it does take time. If you feel like you need to speak to someone, I urge you to do so! Sometimes just having an objective listener can really help you find your way through the fog and haze that takes you. There's nothing wrong with that at all, and there's nothing wrong with you to want to have someone help you through this most trying time of your life!

I wish you the best of luck and please let us know how you're doing!

Answered by: Kristy101081 on 11/5/08
LauraLee311

Answer:

Hang in there, Trebecca. Losing a loved one is one of the most difficult things to overcome in life. Give yourself permission to be upset, depressed, confused, helpless--all of the feelings you mentioned. That's perfectly normal and part of the grieving process. Use these feelings as a way to communicate with your daughter. Explain how you're feeling, and see if she's willing to share how she feels. Take each day one day at a time, and make sure to take care of your health. Take whatever steps are necessary to get the health care you need. Good luck, and know there are people here who care and wish you the best.

Answered by: LauraLee311 on 10/28/08
Got an Answer?