"Great site. Thanks for the opportunity to share a part of my life that may help others." -Tom
Read More Testimonials»

Our Dealing With Depression Experts

Fawn Fitter

Fawn Fitter

Author of Working in the Dark: Keeping Your Job While Dealing...

Shared by First30Days View Profile»
Dr. Andrew Jones

Dr. Andrew Jones

Medical director of the Women’s Health Institute of Texas...

Shared by First30Days View Profile»
Dr. Jesse H. Wright

Dr. Jesse H. Wright

Authority on treating depression, professor of psychiatry...

Shared by First30Days View Profile»

Meet all of our Health Experts»

Got a Question?

Q&A

If you have questions about this change, you're in the right place. Our editors, experts, and community of change optimists have answers!

BridgeBollin

Question:I want to be there for my sister in-law durning her husband dying but everytime I walk in to the hospital I have flashbacks of my mother being in the same hospital and even same icu room when she passed away in January. How can I be there when I still ca

My sister in-law's husband was just taken off of life suppport for liver and kidney failure and has along road a head of her since his heart and lungs are still strong. I watched my mother for three days after we took her off of life support before she surcum to conjestive heart failure after a heart attack that left her brain dead. Everytime I try to deal with my brother in-laws death the nightmare of my mothers comes flooding back at me.

Asked by BridgeBollin on 9/7/08 3 Answers»
BridgeBollin

Answer:

Thank you for the support. My sister in-law's husband passed way on Sunday at 5:30pm. She stayed with him until the very moment they took him to the morgue. At that point my husband and I stayed with her helping her understand what she felt was normal and letting her know we were there for her any time of the day or night. She asked about my mother and how she passed and it helped us all to talk about it. No matter what we all agreed that even though a person passes away they are always still with you.

Answered by: BridgeBollin on 9/9/08
runnindownadream

Answer:

Perhaps you will find strength in being able to help out a loved one in time of need. Part of dealing with any tough situation is a feeling of a loss of power and helplessness.By helping your sister in law, you are standing up and saying "I can do this." I think helping her will allow you to regain parts of yourself you think you may have lost when your mother passed away. I agree with OliviaF. If you still feel you're not able to enter the physical room, there are plenty of other ways you can provide support, even if it means taking care of her house, pets or children.

Answered by: runnindownadream on 9/8/08
SisterSuz

Answer:

I know your pain as I have been through some simular events. Your sister in law does need you and truth be known you probably need her just as much. Sounds like you have a lot of things on your plate from your Mom's death and this is a little soon for you to be going back to this. If you can try as OliviaF said to not focus on the room etc and just the things she is going through and you just being there, I do believe it will help her as well as yourself. After all is said and done she will look upon you as a pilar that helped her get through this time. I lost My Mom in 1989 and I still live with all that went on with that each and everyday, then I lost my Best Friend and a few years later I lost My Dad. Nothing will heal you better than time. You need to reach out for help and strength as well as your sister in law. When this passes you and if at all possible (your sister in law too), both should go to some Grief counseling. You will find there are others in the world going through the same things you are going through and you will know that you aren't alone in the world and the tears you cry are also the same tears that others cry too.
Make sure to let your sister in law know that it is important to let her husband know when the time is right that she tells him it is ok to go, so he doesn't hang on and suffer. It is hard to do, but he is probably waiting to hear it from her so he knows she will be ok. Your Mom would not want you to be going through more pain and suffering, it is time to grieve and heal and allow yourself to do that. Be there as much as you can for your sister in law and I am sure she will not hold it against you if you just can't do it all, but be available to her as much as you can. Ask God for strength!!!

Answered by: SisterSuz on 9/7/08
Got an Answer?