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Question:How do I start over?

I am a deployed mother. After 6 months away from my daughter(when I left she was 4 months old) I will be returning to her soon. I would appreciate any words of wisdom on how to cope with the fact; lets face it my daughter will have no idea as to who I am. I have never had to deal with something like this. My husband shows her my picture but I know that she is still to young to understand. Thank you in advance.

Asked by rbccabrewster on 6/26/08 4 Answers»


My fiancee is in the military and I can only tell you from what i have seen with his niece. I know, not the same as a daughter, but she is a wee-one as well and after his first deployment we invested in a computer camera. This was he could "talk" with her while he was away. When he came back from his last deployment, she was confused for a second (she thought he lived in the computer screen), but after a few seconds, was so excited to play! This might be good for future.
As for right now, thing positive. Your husband has been showing her your photo and telling her who you are, so go in with high spirits! When she sees you excited to see her, she will be excited to see you. :) Smile!! You're coming home!!!! What a FABULOUS thing.
And thank you - for helping to secure our safety!! I truly honor you.

Answered by: C_Wachten on 6/30/08


I can't wait for you to get home and for you to have your baby in your arms, again. I'm sure your baby will know you in short time (if not immediately).

I think if you take it slow, on her terms and with dad's help, it should be hardly any time before she's reaching out for her mama's arms.

I love what lilliede81 says about holding her close and feeling your rythmn. I'm sure there is something to that. I was reading about Dr. Harvey Karp and how he calms babies by making them feel in some ways that they are in the womb again ... he does it by the way he swaddles the baby and holds them close to his body ... gently "shhushhing" into their ears and creating come warm and welcome white noise to soothe their fears.

Anyway ... it will be so great when you are home.

Answered by: bstarr on 6/30/08


Welcome home! Lilliede is right...your baby will know you and love you. It may take some adjusting. Try to manage your expectations and take it one day at a time.

Children are resilient and loving little people. Your daughter will be thrilled to have another person around to love and care for her, to cuddle her and read to her, to give her kisses and hugs. And your husband will be thrilled too, I'm sure!

Best of luck to you! Come back and let us know how it's going...

Answered by: kristen on 6/30/08


Hi rbccabrewster,

Tell yourself that your daughter will accept a relaxed, loving, confident Mom. AND that's who you are.

There is a bond between the two of you that only mother & child experience. Hold her so she can hear your heartbeat & the sounds of your "innards" working.

Talk to her, play with her & laugh with her. There are also emotional & spiritual ties, so she "knows" you.

And . . . ., remember to give her daddy equal attention!

Good luck & enjoy!!

Answered by: lilliede81 on 6/28/08
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