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Katie Danziger

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Gerald Levin

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Gary King

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If you have questions about this change, you're in the right place. Our editors, experts, and community of change optimists have answers!


Question:I want to make changes in my life.


At first, first i was confident that things would change if it worked hard at it and took it one step at a time. I want to make my life better but it seems as if more problems appear from no where and hounded me.

I never thought i would end up 37 years old, alone, living at home, trynig to pay off debt. While others, far younger then me, have their own homes, money, a love life and what ever things marks them as successful.

I keep telling myself that things will get better but they haven't. I've lost most of my confidence, my faith in anything is shot.

It not a question of if I can change. It's how can i make a change that won't blow up in my face or how can i believe that I can salvage my pathetic life.

Everyone say 'You have to believe in yourself' and it sounds like a magic bullet, a wonder cure. But how? How do you do it when you don't have any confidence or belief to work with?

Asked by gemstone on 9/27/08 3 Answers»


You definitely have the right mindset...you want to make a change in your life and are seeking out progress. I agree with Kristen, you shouldn't compare yourself to other people, as everyone is on a different path. You say you don't want a change to blow up in your face, but sometimes you have to task risks...and eventually, something good with come from them.

Answered by: Karadc on 9/27/08


I think what you need to realize is that confidence is largely a matter of what you tell yourself. If you tell yourself you are good at something or you can do something well, you usually can.

Depak Chopra says we have something like 50,000 thoughts a day and 90% of them are negative. You need to replace those negative words and thoughts with positive ones. Your life is not pathetic. And things will get better. At least you have a goal and a plan -- you're working on paying off debt. That's forward movement and something to be congratulated.

I read Ariane's book and found it very helpful. Check out her Nine Principles of Change. I think you will find any number of those thoughts helpful.

Answered by: VictoriaB on 9/27/08


You're right to feel that platitudes like "Just believe in yourself!" aren't enough.

But guess what? You do have to be confident (or at least fake it till you are) to get to where you want to be. The first step? STOP comparing yourself to other people! Who cares that others have homes, success, whatever? Those are societal markers we create to make ourselves feel better.

Define success for yourself. Right now, maybe that just looks like finding a job you love. Or paying down your debt. Or just having fun! You've already taken a huge leap by saying you want to change...now you just have to try—and please do not fear it just because it might not work out. So what if it doesn't? Will you really be worse off than you perceive yourself to be now? Keep trying. It does get better!

Answered by: kristen on 9/27/08
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