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Letting a parent win an argument


So I'm getting ready to visit the parents for the holidays next week, and I've made a decision that I think a lot of people on this site could use as well. I've decided I'm not going to correct my parents. I often go home, and feel that I'm criticized or attacked because I'm naive and they know better, when often their opinion of what is "better" is flatly false (at least it is for me). But instead of trying to argue back or try to win an argument, I'm just going to let it go.

Shared by AnnieChance on 12/19/08

I always go with the "you pick your battles" mentality. Some thing, like the nit-picky stuff that parents focus on, I try to ignore. When it's larger issues, I can't do that.

  • By aliciak
  • on 12/26/08 11:31 AM EST

I'd agree with you except that in my case my parents are just being hateful. They live in Kuwait and are feeling guilty for being away for the first holiday season. My mom decided that she was going to ensure the kids all got together this holiday season and pretend we're the Brady Bunch. The truth is, we're not a real close-knit family. We all go our separate ways. Even during the holidays, we may sit together for dinner, but then everyone goes to a different room afterwards - we're extremely weird, I know.

At any rate, I've got bogged down with things this Christmas and won't be able to go to my sister's house. I told her that we'd plan to get together sometime after Christmas and have a late celebration with dinner and whatnot. We're not exchanging gifts, so that's no biggie. Well, my parents threw a fit! My dad called me today to make sure I was going and when I said no, he griped for like five minutes and then just hung up on me.

Frankly, I'm so sick of the drama that I went off. I sent him an email telling him there was no reason to hang up on me and that he'd feel like a real jerk if those were the last words he ever spoke to me. I went on to say that my schedule was my own and none of his business and I had a few other personal comments related to our argument. Clearly I have a hard time letting go, but I just couldn't believe he got so mad and hung up on me. It was childish and, in my opinion, the whole thing is hypocritical. They moved to Kuwait in order to live their lives for themselves, not for the kids. Why should they care whether we get together for the holidays or not?

So, how do I just let them win this argument?