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Question:Military putting a relationship on hold ?

I have been with my boyfriend off and on for about 3 years. I broke up with him about a year ago and he is back again. He is a totally different person he has truly gotten his life together which was the reason we were on and off. Its almost unreal how much he is trying to fix our relationship and has changed so many of his ways just to be with me. I love him dearly and we know we are meant to be we were always so compatible but he just needed to mature. He has become a great man with a few kinks here and there and he wants to marry me. I am more than willing to marry him and want to so much. But he has joined the military which was the catalyst in him improving his lifestyle. However he will be leaving for 6 months and then after that going on a tour for 15 months (we aren't sure where yet) I just don't know how to deal with it. Its like this is a brand new relationship with a man that I know I already am in love with but he will be so far away from each other. I am still in school at 22 yrs and he is going away at 25. Does any one have a suggestion how this long distance can work with our relationship being so fresh until I complete my degree in 2yrs and be able to go with him when we get married?

Asked by Tiffanyj4786 on 10/10/08 2 Answers»


It is unique to your own situation on whether you want to build your lives in the manner spoken of herin. You comment that he has changed so much and you like/love who he is (with a few kinks to work out). In two more years...you both will have changed exponentially. At 22 and 25 respectively, there is so much more to learn about love, relationships, war, distance, values, ethics, morales. If it were myself, at your age, I would take a wait and see attitude. I'm not indicating that the love isn't strong enough, but as one gets older their objectives in life change. Change is inevitable...struggle is an option. Be good to you.

Answered by: dragonfly3b on 10/27/08


Hi, Tiffany

Talk about change! It's so interesting how life keeps giving and taking away ... seemingly testing us at every turn.

I think there's a wonderful opportunity in all of this. You will both be building your lives together, albeit on parallel paths, but it's okay because you can stay in touch -- write letters, send emails and see each other whenever he is able to come home. Just think about how much you will have to share from what is going on in both of your lives.

Your boyfriend is growing up and changing, just like you are and will continue to through your 20s and 30s. Talk to your boyfriend about what kinds of commitments are realistic to make right now, given what is going on in both of your lives. If it's only that you will love each other dearly and support each other completely it's at least a way to show each other how much you care.

I honor and respect both of your commitments to love each other while moving forward as individuals.

Please extend my best wishes to your boyfriend for his safety, health and happiness while he is away.

Answered by: VictoriaB on 10/10/08
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