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If you have questions about this change, you're in the right place. Our editors, experts, and community of change optimists have answers!


Question:I am too attached to my boyfriend, and it's making me sad and depressed.

I am too attached to my boyfriend.. especially because i'm not that close with my family and i've just lost my closest friends because of some issues.
I have about 3 weeks left before leaving to college. Since his school starts earlier than mine so he has less time to spend with me. I know it's really bad to be attached and clingy.. but for us it was never the real problem. The only problem is that I get really sad or depressed when i cant see him for a day or two. We were so used to seeing each other everyday. Normally i think i would be fine with it but i think its because he's the only one that i can really talk to now so when he's not there i feel extremely lonely or isolated. What would u guys suggest me do when im by myself?
I could only start making new friends when i go to college and it's too late for a job.. :(

Asked by huihuilin on 9/3/08 4 Answers»


Could it be that some of your anxiety is actually coming due to the fact that you're nervous about a really big change? Starting college is huge! I know that sometimes when I'm nervous about a really big event or change I can sometimes funnel all my nervous energy into one person or thing that isn't necessarily the root of the problem. It might just seem bigger because its amplified by your transition to college.
Being able to make it on your own is only going to help strengthen your relationship. Just imagine all of the great stories you're going to have for each other and all the new knowledge you and philosophies you'll be able to discuss.
It's great that you're able to voice these feeling because now that you're aware of them, you can work towards overcoming them.
I hope this helps!

Answered by: runnindownadream on 9/17/08


I know this is really hard, but you need to try to focus on being alone and making yourself happy when you are alone. In the end, there is a tremendous amount of satisfaction that comes from finding out how to make yourself happy without having to rely on the comfort of someone else.

You'll still be able to "talk" with each other when you're in school, via phone, email and the like. You can even try Skype, so you can see each other, but in the end, you need to figure out how to be comfortable enough in your own skin so being alone and on your own (or not with your boyfriend) will not make you sad or depressed.

It's not too late to build those bridges with your family and friends. As you get older you will find that family and close girl friends are so important in your life.

Time magazine did an issue a few years back about the science of happiness and one of the things they listed as key was to have a supportive group of family members or friends you can lean on when you need to.

Answered by: VictoriaB on 9/5/08


My roommate is going through a similar realization; that she is building her life around her bf and needs to be able to spend time without him. She's now committing at least one night a week to building other relationships-hanging out with friends or even just doing something she loves.

Going off to college will be a wonderful transition for you.You'll rediscover who you are and what makes you special apart from your relationship. It will take some work to overcome the isolation and lonliness-you will probably just want to call, email or text him all the time! Get out there and make friends, get involved on campus. Your boyfriend is important but he's not your whole life!

Answered by: Kiki76 on 9/4/08


I can sympathize with you—when i started college, I was with my boyfriend non-stop and though I wasn't moving too far away, I thought the separation would be the end of me.

One thing that helped was we both wrote in a journal a few weeks before we left about what we loved about each other, funny stories, inside jokes, etc., so when I left, I had something I could give him and he had something he could give me. It was nice to be able to read the book when I couldn't get him on the phone or see him till the weekend.

Also, we scheduled regular times to talk and to see each other. Can you boyfriend visit you easily, or you go visit him? I know it always helped me to think..."OK, I just need to get through three more days and I can see him!"

Also, with these kinds of separations, sometimes the anticipation is worse than the follow through. You will probably have a great time at college and meet lots of new people and your transition may be easier than you think. If you try to stay positive about it, you'll be better able to handle the separation.

Good luck!

Answered by: Lizzie314 on 9/3/08
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