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Dr. Therese Rando

Dr. Therese Rando

Psychologist, grief specialist and author of How to Go on...

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David Kessler

Journalist, author and motivational speaker

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Helen Fitzgerald

Certified death educator, author and lecturer

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If you have questions about this change, you're in the right place. Our editors, experts, and community of change optimists have answers!


Question:Why am only remembering only the time my mom was in the hospital?

My mom was not SICK when she had her operation. She caught a staff infection in the hospital. She was in the hospital for 2 months. Her body was reacting abnormally to a common staff infection.
She was on sooo many strong antibiotics that they destroyed her kidneys.
She was in excruciating pain.
She moaned all day.
It was the worse thing I have ever seen.
She made noises that weren't human sounding.
She was only 66.
I can not get her suffering face & rotting body out of my mind.
When can I look back & remember the good times??????
I want to remember her as a healthy person.......

Asked by limitless on 8/18/08 1 Answer»


I think the best thing would be to try and reprogram your mind. Just the way you laid out the list of all the terrible things you remember, do the same with the wonderful things ...
My mom always wore pink lipstick
I loved how my mom smelled
My mother's favorite flower was the carnation
My mom was a great dancer; she could win a Lindy contest
She still looked good in a bathing suit (even tho she didn't think she should wear one)

Find some photos and other things that will help bring the good memories back into focus.

That person lying in the hospital might have been your mother (her body), but that was not who she was, so honor her by focusing on her life giving force and not the end of her days.

Answered by: springshine on 8/19/08
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