"I believe that I am a person who's optimistic about change. Thanks for reminding me from your broadcast with Gayle King... I needed that." -Michelle
Read More Testimonials»

Our Finding Romance Experts

Wendy Atterberry

Wendy Atterberry

Contributing writer for The Frisky

Shared by First30Days View Profile»
Helen Fisher

Helen Fisher

Anthropologist, author and advisor to Chemistry.com

Shared by First30Days View Profile»
Amber Dotts

Amber Dotts

Motivational speaker and coach of workshop series "The Three...

Shared by First30Days View Profile»

Meet all of our Relationships Experts»

Got a Question?


If you have questions about this change, you're in the right place. Our editors, experts, and community of change optimists have answers!


Question:Why do we (I) always like the bad boys?

So I recently met two really cool guys and good looking in their own ways. They're both around the same age and have similar jobs and incomes. One of them is very sweet, reliable, and the kind of guy who calls when he's running five minutes late. The other one is extremely intelligent and funny, but seems kinda like a flake. Guess which one I'm attracted to? I know I'm not alone here. The reliable one is too boring and the flakey one is a flake! I guess the trick is to find someone who is a mix of both, but in the mean time, why do the nice guys keep finishing last in my book?

Asked by alegria on 1/5/09 4 Answers»



My name is veart(single). I was impressed when i saw your profile today at and i will like to establish a long lasting relationship with you. In addition,i will like you to reply me through this my private e-mail box(veartwani@ymail.com)
waiting to hear from you soon.
I will send to you my pictures in my next mail through this my mail box


Answered by: veartwani on 3/13/13


Everybody do not like Bad Boys. I like an Open and honest, humble men. People who are all into bad boys must enjoy drama.

Answered by: marah2448 on 12/27/09
Brenda Della Casa



There are great men and women who we are not attracted to and not-so-wonderful men and women who set our spines on fire but it doesn't sound like this is the issue. I am going to assume both are equally attractive and there's something else going on here. You claim the man who respects you, treats you well and has all of his ducks-in-a-row is "boring" while the one who makes you anxious about whether or not he's going to call or show up on time excites you. Your main question asks why you "always" like the bad boys?

I want to ask you a few questions that might make you think a little bit about this. What excites you about uncertainty? Who taught you not to enjoy being treated well, respected and shown a nice time by a man who calls you and shows up on time? What about stable, functional, respectful and kind is "boring"?

I once spoke to a colleague who said it best, "When we are younger, we love the excitement that comes with 'taming' the bad boy but once you grow into your skin and have your heart shattered time and time again, you realize that a man banging on your door in the rain at 4AM is not romantic, it's dysfunctional."

You know what, Alegria? She's spot on.

A man is going to show you the BEST part of himself at the very beginning so if he's showing up late, lying, being disrespectful and/or leaving your stomach in knots, it's all downhill from here. Just imagine what life with him will be like 1 year down the road when the "newness" has worn off and you're hearing the 100th promise to change.

Is there something about "getting" the "hard to get" that makes you feel better about yourself? Are you trying (in some small way) to prove that you have what it takes to tame a bad boy? Have you been hurt in the past and are you seeking out a similar situation looking to "get it right" this time?

Hold yourself and your men to a higher standard. If you want excitement, grab that good man who treats you with respect and kindness and go white water rafting or take a salty tango class with him.

Brenda Della Casa
Author, Cinderella Was a Liar

Answered by: Brenda Della Casa on 4/19/09


OK...Lets see Your Young....Curious......not ready to settle just yet! So...I believe the good guys are few and far between. Please be careful, don't settle for any guy! Us nice Guys have a slow process of getting out of are shells. Don't be in to much of a hurry, enjoy your youth without trouble. Date...have fun and sooner or later and that gentle-man will pop his head up and if your paying attention....You will see the green light!
Good Luck

Answered by: BattlinMiner on 1/6/09
Got an Answer?