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Michael Anthony

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Tim Ferriss

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M.J. Ryan

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If you have questions about this change, you're in the right place. Our editors, experts, and community of change optimists have answers!


Question:How to get unstuck out of this rut That I'm in ?

I'm a 43 old recovering alcoholic/addict and I've been sober and clean for 5 !/2 years. My problem is that I'v become complasive in my little world. I don't participate in to much of anything that's going on around me. I'm always depressed and i spend alot of time alone.I go to work, Church, grocery shopping and back home. I have a grown son and 2 grandsons that I talk to on the phone alot and I get a chance to see then somtime. I'm going through body changes that keeps me from having a real relationship with my guy. I need some imput on this matter. I know that my life could better, but I just don't how to right now. I'm looking for anwers from someone who can truly help me to find what it is that I need to do.I want to be happier in my life and I want the opportunity to work on myself, understanding who I am and why am I going through this. It seems to me sometime that I don't have all the control that I want over my life. I'v been truly blessed to come out of the darkness and I'm grateful for the help that I received, and now I realize that I still need help. How do I get out of this that I'm in. I don't want to end up on all these different medications and really not knowing who I am or what's going on around me. Thank you for giving me this opportunity to share what's going on with me.

Asked by len1zo on 6/14/08 3 Answers»


Hello Len1zo,

I highly highly recommend YOGA, start in a beginning class and work you way up, it just makes me feel amazing, your already doing great by not taking medications. I don't do that either, you will never need medications if you do yoga.

YOGA YOGA in your town will help you allot with depression and body image. Read about YOGA if you have not, it has amazing health benefits.

Best to you.

Answered by: aliciaarden on 6/25/08


I understand the feeling of retreat when we feel depressed or alone. It is difficult to engage in life and engage in people. No one needs to tell you that you will feel better being around people you care about, words are so easy especially from someone feeling well, the action so hard. So my suggestion is to be exactly where you are, walk through the depression, feel it, live it and keep your head pointed towards the sky. Because after you accept your sadness as beign the process of your wonderful and remarkable life you can rise above. Have an affirmation that you repeat, not once but hundreds of times per day and know that you are resilient and will persevere.

Answered by: Anonymous on 6/18/08



First you have to give yourself credit for how far you've come. It's really important to feel good about and celebrate our successes. If you can afford it, why not do something nice for yourself, like a spa day, weekend away or by purchasing a new outfit.

You should feel proud because whether you know it or not you are an inspiration to others.

As to how to get moving from here. We have many great quotes on the site and one of the many that I like to repeat is that 'the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.'

So, take that to heart and start slowly ... and start anywhere, but just start ...

We have many great resources on this site in the various life changes. Look around at the experts list and the books and web site links. You can find inspiration and information from any number of places here ... being happier experts, pursuing your dreams books, making change easier tips, especially Ariane's Nine Principles of Change.

This is the condensed version:

1. Have positive beliefs about change, about life and about yourself.

2. Know that change will always bring something good into your life.

3. Know that you are resilient, strong and capable of getting through anything.

4. Know that your emotions, including the negative ones are there as a guide and that you can replace them with positive ones -- so when you find yourself getting down on yourself of saying you can't do something, quickly turn that thought around and think about how far you've come, knowing you've accomplished tremendous things already.

5. Know that the quicker you accept or choose change, the less the pain and hardship will be.

6. Use positive words, thinking better thoughts and allow every feeling (good or bad) to come up and embrace it ... work through it.

7. Know that you are connected to something bigger -- your soul, your spirit, your higher self.

8. Surround yourself with people who can help and who have an optimistic mind-set and create an environment that supports change.

9. Take action, make a plan and take care of yourself.

If you think you might like to speak to someone, find an objective source of comfort ... not a friend, but someone like a social worker, therapist, pastor, rabbi or priest... someone who is trained to listen and offer loving support... someone who can help you see all the goodness inside of you.

Consider doing volunteer work. We've heard time and again about people who feel so much better about their lives when they spend even a little bit of time doing good for others. When you do something for someone else -- perhaps someone worse off than yourself, you get a shot of self esteem, which is something you just can't buy.

Get moving ... one of the other things we've learned and that we preach to a certain degree is motion ... motion changes emotion. You can't feel stuck or depressed when you're moving, so take up walking, jogging, bicycle riding, swimming, whatever you think your body can tolerate. It will help get more oxygen flowing to your brain, which will improve your mood and may even speed up the changes you're going through or at least help make you feel better about doing something good for your body.

I hope all of this helps. Know that you are loved by more people than you know and that more people are pulling for you than you imagine, including now me!

Oh. one more thing and this is something that I really enjoy. I get these emails every day from a site called the Tut Adventurer's Club. The emails are called Notes from the Universe and it's like a daily personal cheering section. You can't help but feel better every time you see one.

You can find the emails here:

Answered by: VictoriaB on 6/16/08
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