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Q&A

If you have questions about this change, you're in the right place. Our editors, experts, and community of change optimists have answers!

newmeby09

Question:How do you perpetuate real change... when no one in your life supports you?

If it were just my friends not being supportive... I would get new ones. But it's my family. I can't really get a new family. There are so many things I want to improve in our home... but I can't do it all on my own. It's going to take the cooperation of the whole family to get us back on track. So how do I win their support to making our home a more loving, organized and peaceful place to live?

Asked by newmeby09 on 12/11/08 3 Answers»
Brenda Della Casa

Answer:

Newmeby09,

Change is an amazing gift and allows us the opportunity to take on new challenges, discover new parts of ourseleves and move further into our lives at a faster and more authentic pace. Unfortunately, most people don't see the softer side of change. Instead, they see discomfort, instability and even failure. If they had been doing everything "right" all along, changewould not be necessary, now would it?

The important thing for you to remember is that you have a right to live your best and most comfortable and authentic life and you can start doing this without anyone else's permission. If they won't change you can still change your reaction to them. Are you always picking up around your house, running yourself ragged to do this and that for people who refuse to do anything for you? Are you saying "yes" to additional obligations that depleat you and give you less time to do the things that nourish you? Are you giving power to a cranky family member or allowing comments to rip into your self esteem? If yes, stop.

You can change and, again, you have a right to.

Actions create reactions and you have so much more power than you are giving yourself credit for. You may even do the legwork in the beginning to show your family how nice things are this "new" way and ask for their input. Ask them some things they would like to change? Ask them what they like about the home and circumstances that they are afraid of changing. Ask them if they are afraid this new plan will change their relationship with you? Maybe they are afraid the "new" you won't love them as much (not true but you change can be scary for some people).

Make it a discussion and a process instead of a demand and they might warm up to the idea.

Good Luck!

Brenda Della Casa
Author, Cinderella Was a Liar
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Answered by: Brenda Della Casa on 12/18/08
Kristy101081

Answer:

I recently had the same problem with some of my friends and family. I found that they weren't supportive because they didn't think I really meant to do what I set out to do. They believed it to be a fad of mine and were just waiting for the newest one to come along. After sitting everyone down and telling them that I was serious and would appreciate their support, they were more open. However, I was prepared to do it without them.

In your case, I would suggest a serious heart-to-heart with your family to let them know you mean business. Find out what their concerns are and see if there is a way to overcome them together. If they're still resistant to the changes you want to make, ask them to give you suggestions on what they think would be better and see if you can find some common ground. Perhaps they feel the changes are not really in the best interest of the family, only for you. Asking for their input may make them feel it's about the family and not just you. But, if the changes are just about you and you only want their support, you may have to be willing to go it alone until they realize how serious you are. Good luck!

Answered by: Kristy101081 on 12/17/08
springshine

Answer:

I always like the old expressions like 'actions speak louder than words' and would advise you force one improvement to show them the results. People need to see results.

They do this study all the time where they show how crime levels go up when the area is not cared for. People will see that others don't care and think it's okay for them not to care as well, so what you need to do is show them there's a reason to care. Give them a glimpse of how things can be better and enlist their support in making it happen.

Sometimes it helps to put others in charge. Give the power hungry ones some opportunities to show their organization or supervision skills. Make it fun. Make it a game. Make it a challenge ... Make it personal ... if you clean up your room you can have someone sleep over.

There are some online groups that do things together in spurts. I can't think right now what they call it, but it's pretty fun and gets everyone motivated. It's like for the next 20 minutes we're all going to dust ... they set the clocks and make it a mission to get as much done in that 20 minute chunk of time. Then they come back and write about it.

Ariane always says people have to be inspired to make the change... what will inspire your crew?

Answered by: springshine on 12/12/08
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