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LarryB

Question:I have a mentaly ill wife who is getting out of controll. Getting abusive. Kids grown. Do I stay?

My wife has been battleing manic depression for the better part of 20 years. Delusions have always been a problem.
But now, for the first time the delusions involve me specficly.
She has gotten verbaly abusive and now wants me to account for every hour of the day and every nickle spent.
We have 2 adult girls, only 1 of which live at home.
My wife has attempted suicide in the past, which makes the decission harder.

This is, without a doubt, the toughest thing I have ever tried to do.
We have been togeather almost 30 years.

Asked by LarryB on 10/27/08 4 Answers»
springshine

Answer:

Getting the children involved might strike a chord. You need to find some way to break through and get her to realize what she is going to the entire family by not getting the help she needs.

Is there a family relation who can influence her? Is there someone in the community she looks up to that might be able to reason with her? Are there any medical professionals she respects? People have to want to change and it's not always easy to know what is going to be the impetus for them to take action.

Since your wife is not really dealing on a rational level it's going to take all your efforts and care to get through to her.

I am hoping you are able to salvage the relationship and help turn things around for yourself as well as for your wife and family.

Answered by: springshine on 11/7/08
LarryB

Answer:

I wish I could get her to adjust her treatment, but she won't consider it.
Thinking of getting kids involved in some sort of "intervention". May help, or just get wife p.o.'ed at kids as well.

Answered by: LarryB on 10/30/08
wishwalker

Answer:

Hi Larry,
I too am on the opposite end, my husband and I have been married going on 32 years. It has certainly been a mix of good and bad and sometimes I think the bad outweighs the good. I have been fighting within myself also now that the kids are grown, with the youngest moving on now. I had thought about once the kids were gone that I would take my life in my own hands and move on myself, however, recently, my husband was diagnosed with a medical condition. I am a cancer survivor as a matter of fact 8 years today. He was not there for me when I needed him to be, today with his diagnosis I struggle with 2 things, one the memories of when I needed him, and 2 with the fact I was married in a Church and those vows, regardless mean something to me. It's hard because I feel like I need to move on, but then I feel like it would make me no better than him, concerning when I was diagnosed and then once again, my promise to God "for better and for worse." I agree, maybe with some medical help, your wife could be helped, try everything you can, having the same amount of years of marriage as you, I do understand. I am going to give it everything I possibly can, at least then I will know I did everything I could, and if I have to break my promise to God, he too will know I did. I too, wish you the best of luck.

Answered by: wishwalker on 10/28/08
teresashumate

Answer:

Hi Larry,
Being in an abusive relationship me being the victim staying is a mistake. Our marriage vowels did not include phsical and emotional abuse. You said you had ten great years so her abuse is a medical condition that she did not ask for correct? Different than my husband just dont care for excuse. Your marriage vowels said in sickness or in health? There are new medicines for maniac depression have you tryed? Support maybe from a church or family? Wish you the best luck.

Answered by: teresashumate on 10/28/08
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