Ferguson_bill

Bill Ferguson

on Getting Divorced
Former divorce attorney and author of How to Heal a Painful Relationship and If Necessary, Part as Friends

Favorite Cheer!

Exclusive Interview

Bill Ferguson on Getting Divorced

Getting divorced can be a time of emotional turmoil. Bill Ferguson, a former divorce attorney and author of How to Heal a Painful Relationship and If Necessary, Part as Friends, can explain why. He has been featured on “Oprah” and runs a program called “Stop the Conflict,” which helps clients take the discord out of divorce. His most recent book is titled Get Your Power Back. Here, Ferguson shared his tips on keeping your head above water during a divorce.

Please describe the phases people go through during the first 30 days of getting divorced.

When we’re in difficult times, we’re usually in a state of resisting. This leads to fear and upset. The final stage is surrendering to truth.

Why are we often ineffective at handling the first 30 days of getting divorced?

Whenever there is a relationship or any area of life that isn’t working, it’s usually the symptom of an underlying condition. However, we continue to focus on what we perceive to be “the problem.” This tunnel vision forces us to act in a way that makes the situation worse. This leads to fears that upset us. In short, we’re very ineffective.

People are fighting the situation. To be most effective, you’ve got to be able to flow with what’s going on. What we fight is the truth. Our fighting doesn’t change a thing. My wife and I have a black and white cat. As much as I want that cat to bark, it’s not going to happen. When you can surrender to the truth—you don’t have to like it—you can see what you have to do. Whenever you fight the truth, you can’t see the truth.

What are the most important things to do during the first 30 days of divorce?

There are things to do on the outside, and there are things to do on the inside. On the inside, be willing to feel the hurt. The more you’re willing to feel the hurt, the less the circumstances are a threat. There are two types of hurt: the hurt you feel from the circumstances and the deeper hurt—on a subconscious level—of being worthless.

On the outside, you want to create a new life. Like it or not, you’re starting a new chapter in your life. Find things you love to do, and do them. The worst thing you can do is to withdraw because that leads to depression.

Who is it important to be during the first 30 days of getting divorced?

Allow yourself to be human. We put so much pressure on ourselves having to be a certain way. When the pressure is off, we can see clearly.

Why are the first 30 days of divorce so important?

Difficult times are high-growth times. It forces us to look at things and do things we wouldn’t do. Put your focus on healing inside. Focus on the relationship and ending the conflict, not as husband and wife but as one human being to the other. This sets the stage for how things are going to be later.

What’s the difference between someone who succeeds and someone who just “gets through” the first 30 days?

The difference is whether you handle your situation reactively or proactively. If you handle it like a victim, you can expect suffering.

What can we do to continue to progress beyond the first 30 days of getting divorced?

Ask yourself: “How do I want my life to be?” Then start creating it. Usually, you need to start a new network of friends. You want to move full-speed ahead to create your dreams. Use the time to heal. The key to healing fast is how you feel the hurt. If you feel the hurt as a victim, you can cry for days or months and have no healing. If you feel the hurt deliberately and purposefully, you can have healing in minutes. You’ve got to know how to do it. You’ve got to be willing to feel the emotion. Be willing to heal the deeper hurt—and make peace with that part of you.

The hurt doesn’t exist in reality; it exists in our minds and seems very real. “Worthless” is your reality, but so is “worthy.” When you’re at peace with the circumstance, the hurt surrounding it loses its relevance. Whatever the hurt is, we keep creating it. Once we heal it, life doesn’t bring it to us again.

SIGNATURE QUESTIONS

What is the belief you personally go to during times of change?

Change is no big deal. Only when you’re threatened is it a big deal. With unwelcome change or stress, you’ve got to get your peace of mind back. You’ve got to get that hurt out of you.

The best thing about change is...

...it’s an opportunity for healing and growth.

What is the best change you have ever made?

For me, the biggest change in my life was when I lost it all in real estate. My big fear was failure, and that was when I had to face my fear. It was one of the most painful times in my life, but one of the most valuable.

For more information on Bill Ferguson, visit Divorceasfriends.com, Masteryoflife.com and Relationshipseminars.net.

SilviaSoulez

Restore your broken home and relationship with the help of this great Man Dr Goodluck of ( goodluck05spellcaster@gmail.com )

My self and my girlfriend have been getting into little arguments which then later escalate. a lot of which are my fault but i never thought i would lose her because we are in love. she told me weeks back that she loves me but she is done. that the fights keep hurting her too much. i can’t believe i hurt her like that and would love nothing more than another chance to prove to her and myself that i will cut out my insecurities that I’ve brought into this relationship. It wasn’t until i lost her that my eyes really opened in what i was doing. i asked for another chance and she said she cannot do that right now. i asked if she is done with my forever and she said she doesn’t know what will happen down the road but right now she needs space. I’m lost, confused, heart broken. i feel like it’s all my fault and i don’t want to lose her, all she told me was that the relationship is over, she blocked me on whatsapp. i went no contact. she unblock me. i still maintain no contact she blocked me again. 1 week of no contact. will she come back? we were very close. she may not be the best looking girl. but i love her. now i begged her to consider me but she’s did listen, she left and i was frustrated, i began searching for help and answers, then i heard about a man that can cast a spell to remind her of all the things we have been through together and show her how much she love me, at first I was scared then i decided to give it a try,and i still cant believe it that just 17hours after this great man Dr Goodluck of goodluck05spellcaster@gmail.com casted the spell my Ex called and beg for also hurting me and promise never to leave me again it was a dream come through and i promise myself never to ever hurt her again and all thanks to you Daddy at goodluck05spellcaster@gmail.com for all you help i swear you are a great blessing on earth. anyone facing any kind of relationship problem, cure to sickness, lottery spell ETC i just cant say contact this great man and he will help you solve your problem of any kind i am a living testimony of his powers, do not hesitate to email
him...Email goodluck05spellcaster@gmail.com
Call or Whats-app him: +2348138654465
website:http://drgoodluck.simplesite.com

Alexandria22

Love Spell Caster Reviews CONTACT: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com FOR GENUINE LOVE SPELL TO HELP YOU GET YOUR EX BOYFRIEND, GIRLFRIEND, WIFE OR HUSBAND BACK,Is certainly the best spell caster online and his result is 100% guarantee.
My boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago,because he felt i was cheating on him with a male friend of mine, i tried all i could to explain to him but he paid deaf ears, i was emotionally devastated because i really loved him until i saw a post on the internet about Dr Unity, who helps people gain back their lost lover, at first i doubted if it was real because i never believed in such things but i decided to give him a try,I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a Love spell for me, he restored my relationship within 11 hours and my boyfriend was calling and begging to make up with me again, if you need help to repair your relationship or marriage problem. Here’s his contact
Call/WhatsApp: +2348071622464
Email: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com
Website:https://unityspelltemple126848969.wordpress.com .

Alexandria22

Save Your Relationship and Get Your Ex Boyfriend/Girlfriend Back!contact: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com is certainly the best spell caster online and his result is 100% guarantee.
My Name Olivia Stephen form Tx,USA. After 12years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a Love spell for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Unity real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact
Call/WhatsApp: +2348071622464
Email: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com
Website:https://unityspelltemple126848969.wordpress.com .

Alexandria22

Save Your Relationship and Get Your Ex Boyfriend/Girlfriend Back!contact: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com is certainly the best spell caster online and his result is 100% guarantee.
My Name Olivia Stephen form Tx,USA. After 12years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a Love spell for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Unity real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact:Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,or Call/WhatsApp him on:+2348071622464 ,his website:https://unityspelltemple126848969.wordpress.com .

Alexandria22

Save Your Relationship and Get Your Ex Boyfriend/Girlfriend Back!contact: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com is certainly the best spell caster online and his result is 100% guarantee.
My Name Olivia Stephen form Tx,USA. After 12years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a Love spell for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Unity real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact:Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,or Call/WhatsApp him on:+2348071622464 ,his website:https://unityspelltemple126848969.wordpress.com .