"I think I'm just so overwhelmed because I have so many changes that need to be made. I hope this helps. Thanks again!!" -Jennifer
Read More Testimonials»

On the Relationships Blog

3 Ways Families Are Like Conveyor Belts

Conveyor belts are a great asset to businesses, whether they're used in warehouses, assembly lines, or other applications. In the same way, families are a great asset when each...

Read More About 3 Ways Families Are Like Conveyor Belts»

Our Getting Divorced Experts

Martin Kranitz

Martin Kranitz

Author of Getting Apart Together: The Couple's Guide to a...

Shared by First30Days View Profile»
Gayle Rosenwald Smith

Gayle Rosenwald Smith

Lawyer and author of Divorce and Money: Everything You Need...

Shared by First30Days View Profile»
Bill Ferguson

Bill Ferguson

Former divorce attorney and author of How to Heal a Painful...

Shared by First30Days View Profile»

Meet all of our Relationships Experts»

Expert Network

Get help from our network of more than 300 experts on changes big and small, personal and professional.

Martin Kranitz on Getting Divorced

Martin Kranitz on Getting Divorced

For many, tension and conflict permeates divorce proceedings. But there is such a thing as a civilized, amicable divorce. Who would know better than Martin Kranitz, who has more than 24 years of experience as a mediator and more than 20 years as a mediation and conflict resolution trainer? He has a private mediation practice in Annapolis, MD, and travels throughout the country providing mediation and conflict resolution training to professionals. Kranitz is author of Getting Apart Together: The Couple's Guide to a Fair Divorce or Separation, which addresses the practical issues that arise when people decide they can no longer live together. Here, Kranitz discusses the first 30 days of getting divorced.

What do people ask themselves during the first 30 days of getting divorced?

“How am I going to survive?” “How am I going to survive and take care of the kids?” “Are we going to be able to work together to minimize the damage to the kids?” “Should we be doing this to the kids?” “Am I going to get screwed?” “What will happen if we can’t reach agreement?” “When am I going to stop feeling so crappy?”

In the first 30 days of a separation—if you didn’t know it was coming, if it was the other party’s decision—the questions are: “How am I going to function, because I’m in shock?” The questions are more about survival than the larger picture, and much different from the first 30 days after divorce. Those questions are: “How will I be able to stop thinking about ‘us’ or ‘we’ and start thinking about ‘I?’ ” It’s a lot easier to go from “I” to “we” than it is from “we” to “I.” Another big question is, “Can I survive?” This question has a number of components, emotional and practical, such as, “Are the resources going to be sufficient for all of us?”

What are some of the emotions associated with the first 30 days of getting divorced?

It’s a function of which couple you’re looking at. Some couples have gone through counseling and reached a joint agreement, so their emotions are not in as much turmoil. For people for whom this is a unilateral decision, they are asking, “Can I trust this person?” “Can I work with this person?” They need to understand that the separation is the end of the marriage, not the end of the family. They can work together for the children.

How can a separated couple get divorce help?

Go to counseling. Talk to people who have worked through this successfully, not angrily. Seek out support groups. Misery loves company: Use it to your advantage by talking to people about how they dealt with the emotions of separation.

What are the most important things to do during the first 30 days of getting divorced?

Understand that relationships very seldom break up because of one person. Both people have responsibility for the relationship and for its breakup. Each person must recognize that. From an emotional standpoint, it will be overwhelming, but from a practical standpoint, you must get on with your life. Compartmentalize your emotions—don’t let them run your life. Learn how to deal with stress.

Practice distraction. Do something that will take your mind off the separation and all its implications. When you come back to it, you’ll be more clear-headed.

How should people act during the first 30 days of getting divorced?

I think it’s important to be someone else. If you’re going to be yourself, you’re going to fall apart. Be a cool person who can handle it.

Why are the first 30 days of getting divorced such a vital time?

Because there are many absolute or potential changes one has to deal with. Your whole system—internal and external—is in turmoil. And most people don’t like change.

How can someone really succeed during the first 30 days of getting divorced?

In the “old” days, 20 to 25 years ago, when people separated, they went running to their lawyers. There was an assumption of a conflict of interest between the parties. Realize that there isn’t necessarily a conflict of interest; although it may feel that way, it is not necessarily true. Both people want to get through this in as constructive, civilized and practical a way as possible—in a collaborative, not competitive, way and in the least adversarial way. It doesn’t have to be a win-lose situation. If you decide that you want to hurt the other person because of the pain they have caused, you will only hurt yourself and the kids: You will all suffer more than you need to.

What can people do to continue to progress beyond 30 days?

Continue to grow. The change of separation and divorce is a growth process, like any other experience in life. It’s something to learn from. The reality is that second marriages and third marriages have the same percentage of divorce as first marriages. No matter how carefully we choose, change is inevitable in each of us. Five years from now, we are, in essence, married to a different person. We have to appreciate in other people the people they have become.

SIGNATURE QUESTIONS

What is the belief you personally go to during times of change?

That I’ll survive; that I’ll get through it. “This too shall pass”—that’s what my Dad would say. Life and nature throw us all kinds of things and we just have to get through it. We have to do the best we can.

The best thing about change is...

…it makes us stronger. It improves us. I teach a college course and emphasize that change is unavoidable. Conflict is unavoidable. It improves things in the long run; if not personally, then globally.

What is the best change you have ever made?

Going from working for others to being in private practice. Going from being a student to being a teacher. It’s a cliché but I believe it very strongly: Give a man a fish and you’ve fed him for one day. Teach a man to fish and you’ve fed him for life.

For more information about Martin Kranitz, visit Martinkranitz.com.

Posted: 9/19/07
JewelCarol02

hey,my bf and I were in a relationship for 4 years, and I caught him cheating with another girl for 2 months. I was devastated and I was in such a mental condition, that I called his parents up and said everything. I pleaded him and asked him what went wrong in our relationship. but he denied to tell me anything. he said he want breakup. and his new gf called me up each day and abused me verbally. I was trying to move on. but the love i have for him was too much. i was frustrated. looking for help to get my bf back one day looking on my internet i come across a product of a page and graphic of love spell on how to get ex back,stop your husband for cheating, restored broken marriage and stop divorced also get your wife back. so i have no choice coz i love my bf and i want him back from that woman i directly give a contact on this product graphic page, and to the promise of it,after the love spell my bf call me,text me and i I replied him as I would never accept him. but he continues begging seeking for apology. for what he did to me, meanwhile my bf sends me friend requests on Facebook… and calls me up the other day.and i respond to him, with this i was so very happy that my bf really change for the bad he was to see me back as his only one gf so that is how i gave him another chance? all thanks to this product page and graphic love spell coz it really help and work for me i promise to keep sharing his page if you have any similar problem as my, have a hard time of getting your ex bf back, ex gf back, save your marriage home, i will advise you to try this same, on Dr happy product page and graphic love spell directly on his email happylovespell2@gmail.com Web site:http://happyspelltemple.webs.com/ or add him on whats-app +2348133873774

bennymary1

What a miracle to have my ex back,my name is mary benny and i need to share this great testimony... I just want to say thanks Dr gbojie for taking time to help me cast the spell that brings back my ex lover {now my husband},who suddenly lost interest in me after six month of engagement,but today we are married and we are more happier than never before, I am really short of words and joyful, and i don't know how much to my appreciation to you doctor gbojie you are a God sent to restore broken relationship.he deeply enjoy helping people achieve their desires, find true love,getting their ex lovers back,stop abusive relationships,find success,attract happiness,find soul mates and more,contact him today. and let him show you the wonders and amazement of his Love Spell System. He deliver results at his best in real spell casting,email him for help on gbojiespiritualtemple@gmail.com or gbojiespiritualtemple@yahoo.com you can also call him on +2349066410185 contact him on his websiite Link

Shechan11

what a wonderful world we are living, i still doubt this spell caster how he did it!!! i am Shechan Caroline am from Los Angeles I am so happy to let the whole word know how this powerful spell caster saved my marriage.Everything was going down the drain as my husband can not stop cheating on me with other women. It became used to always heating on me. I tried to make him stop, but I couldn't help the situation, the more I tried, the harder it becomes. At times we will fight and go apart for some months and we will come back again just because of our kids. One day a friend told me about this spell caster who helped her too, his name is Dr.oku, she said he uses white magic spells to solve spiritual problems. I decided to give it a try, I contacted him and he told me it will take just 2 to 3 days and I will see great changes in my husband. He actually cast a spell, believe me after 2 to 3 days of the spell, my husband was confessing different names of woman he has slept with. He begged for forgiveness and never to try it again. From that day till now, my mind is at rest. My husband dislike every other women on earth except me. And am so happy to have him for myself alone.The spell caster’s contact is okutemple@gmail.com or add him on whasapp +2347053113465

Shechan11

what a wonderful world we are living, i still doubt this spell caster how he did it!!! i am Shechan Caroline am from Los Angeles I am so happy to let the whole word know how this powerful spell caster saved my marriage.Everything was going down the drain as my husband can not stop cheating on me with other women. It became used to always heating on me. I tried to make him stop, but I couldn't help the situation, the more I tried, the harder it becomes. At times we will fight and go apart for some months and we will come back again just because of our kids. One day a friend told me about this spell caster who helped her too, his name is Dr.oku, she said he uses white magic spells to solve spiritual problems. I decided to give it a try, I contacted him and he told me it will take just 2 to 3 days and I will see great changes in my husband. He actually cast a spell, believe me after 2 to 3 days of the spell, my husband was confessing different names of woman he has slept with. He begged for forgiveness and never to try it again. From that day till now, my mind is at rest. My husband dislike every other women on earth except me. And am so happy to have him for myself alone.The spell caster’s contact is okutemple@gmail.com or add him on whasapp +2347053113465

RogerJ

HOW I GET MY WIFE BACK WITH THE HELP OF DR. JAKIKI....CALL HIM NOW FOR FAST LOVE SPELL +1 (402) 892-2486

My name is Roger Jeremy. I am testifying of the great Dr. Jakiki that God used in saving my marriage, I have been scammed by 5 different spell casters in Africa in an attempt to get my ex wife back but non could help me until I met a testimony of a lady from USA called Mrs Anita Sheeler who Dr Jakiki here in United States helped to get her husband back, I email him just because he is here in united states,and i explained to him how i want my wife back and also how i have been scammed. He ask me not to worry and assured me that i will get back my wife, i took the boldness of not giving up and to my surprised he helped me cast a spell that brought back my ex wife within the period of two days after he have cast the spell, am so happy that I can't stop thanking him rather than promise my self to share the good news,because i know that some many people are heart broken. In case if you need help to get your love one's who left you for another. Why going to another country to seek for help in your broken relationship,while Dr Jakiki is right here in the states. I advise all those seeking for help to turn to Dr Jakiki because he is much blessed of casting love spell. If you need help getting your ex back contact him via email.

Email:((Spellcasthome@gmail.com)) call or text him +1 (402) 892-2486 you will surely get your result. And if you want to know more info about Dr Jakiki you can also view his website: Link

  • By RogerJ
  • on 6/25/17 7:05 AM EST
Carljerry

I'm Carl Jerry by name i want to share a testimony on how Dr Ozil was able to bring back my wife back to me, myself and my wife were on a serious breakup, even before then we were always quarreling fighting and doing different ungodly act..My wife packed her things out of the house and we had to live in different area, despite all this i was looking for a way to re_unite with her, not until i met Dr Ozil the great spell caster who was able to bring my wife back home, Dr Ozil cast a love spell for me, and after some time i started seeing results about the spell....Today my family is back again and we are happy living fine and healthy, with Dr Ozil all my dream came through in re_uniting my marriage, friends in case you need the help of Dr Ozil kindly contact him now:

Email: drozilsolutionhome@yahoo.com or drozilsolutionhome@outlook.com
Website: Link
Telephone Number: +2348161897826...

Carljerry

I'm Carl Jerry by name i want to share a testimony on how Dr Ozil was able to bring back my wife back to me, myself and my wife were on a serious breakup, even before then we were always quarreling fighting and doing different ungodly act..My wife packed her things out of the house and we had to live in different area, despite all this i was looking for a way to re_unite with her, not until i met Dr Ozil the great spell caster who was able to bring my wife back home, Dr Ozil cast a love spell for me, and after some time i started seeing results about the spell....Today my family is back again and we are happy living fine and healthy, with Dr Ozil all my dream came through in re_uniting my marriage, friends in case you need the help of Dr Ozil kindly contact him now:

Email: drozilsolutionhome@yahoo.com or drozilsolutionhome@outlook.com
Website: Link
Telephone Number: +2348161897826

Joanrobert1975

I am very grateful to Doctor Omoluyi for bringing back my Husband after 2 years of separation due to pressure from his family and business associate saying that i am not the same country and different believe.. This Joan Robert From Miami Florida. After enough searching and surfing on the internet, I saw a post made by Peter Dashy from Canada referring of how he was helped by Doctor Omoluyi. I also decided to contact the Doctor for help because i was desperate to get back my lovely Husband. I followed all his instructions and he promised me that my husband will get back to me within 12 to 18 hours after he has finished with the preparation of the spell. And now, am finally a complete woman with my man back by my side. To also get your help from this great Doctor Omoluyi, Email: ( Doctoromoluyispelltemple@gmail.com ) OR Website: Link

RobertBecker

How I Reconcile With My Ex Wife! READ THROUGH DR. TRUST WEBSITE: Link


I am Robert Becker, from USA, I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my wife return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank DR TRUST for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my wife, I required help until i found a grate spell caster, And he cast a Reunite love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my wife back in two days after the spell has been cast. Two days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my wife who has not called me for past 6 years now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my backbone till the rest of her life with me. DR TRUST released her up to know how much i loved and wanted her. Also opened her eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I`m writing this testimony right now,I`m the most happiest man on earth. EMAIL DR TRRUST RIGHT NOW,IF YOU ARE PASSING THROUGH HEART BROKEN IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

Email: Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com Or Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com
Website: Link
Phone number:+2348156885231

AndrewPowell

I've been really depress and been in so much pains after my wife left me. Our son is just 8 without her mother. Life can be very displeasing especially when i try every way possible to get her back and all i got is been scammed by this fake Spiritual Spell Casters.... I'm new on this spell stuff but after talking and chatting with Dr. Trust then i realize he is the man i can completely trust. I know there are many of you out there who are in the same problem too and also looking for a real spell caster that can give wealth and bring back your love again.. Dr. Trust is real and in just 2 days of his spell my whole story got turn around and things started to be as before.

I followed his advice and Spell instructions, and fortunately, I'm a success story! Kathy is back now and im so glad our son got to see her mother again. Now we're better than ever. Dr. Trust spell really worked and he has been very helpful, and I can't believe it worked so well! I'm honestly, still in shock! :) If you feel like your relationship is salvageable, and you need help contact him .. It never too late ((Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com or Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com WEB SITE: Link OR CALL +2348156885231

DorisWood1

Dear friend,
The best way to work and carryout a task is the safe way. There is no better way than the right way, it may be the hard way, or the long way but it is the sure way.With so much in my heart i am here to express myself on how Dr. Zaba saved my marriage from divorce. Myself and my husband were having some misunderstanding and it was tearing our marriage apart to the extend my husband was seeking for a divorce. So i have no option than to go to the internet to seek for solution to my problem it was there i came across Dr.Zaba details and about how he has helped a lot of people by restoring there relationship. I contact Dr.Zaba and in less than 48 hours my husband cancelled the divorce papers. Now myself and my husband live together in peace and harmony all thanks to Dr.Zaba for saving my marriage from breaking up. Dr.Zaba contact information are via email: Zabalovespell@gmail.com or call his phone number: +2347064294395

SuePreedyKJ23346

Thank you so much Dr. Trust for restoring back my Broken marriage for 4 years of total separation with my lovely husband cos of her mistress who use a spell on him to abandoned me and our kids. i have contacted so many casters online several times but be scammed. i saw a testimony on the internet of one Juliana testifying of your good work, i contacted you which you assured me just 48 hours for an instant result. Sir just same 48 hours as you promise my husband came back home begging for forgiveness to love and cherish i and the kids forever, am so happy and thankful to you Dr. Trust,,,I am So Happy and Excited because as i am writing this Testimony, My husband is madly in love with me again. If there is any body Out there who is in Difficulties and need help should kindly Contact Dr. Trust on His Email ID and he is Ready to Help you no matter the Situation, (Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com or Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com call +2348156885231) Web Link

SuePreedyKJ23346

Thank you so much Dr. Trust for restoring back my Broken marriage for 4 years of total separation with my lovely husband cos of her mistress who use a spell on him to abandoned me and our kids. i have contacted so many casters online several times but be scammed. i saw a testimony on the internet of one Juliana testifying of your good work, i contacted you which you assured me just 48 hours for an instant result. Sir just same 48 hours as you promise my husband came back home begging for forgiveness to love and cherish i and the kids forever, am so happy and thankful to you Dr. Trust,,,I am So Happy and Excited because as i am writing this Testimony, My husband is madly in love with me again. If there is any body Out there who is in Difficulties and need help should kindly Contact Dr. Trust on His Email ID and he is Ready to Help you no matter the Situation, (Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com or Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com call +2348156885231) Web Link

JB12345

PLEASE BE CAREFULLY IN THIS BLOG, NOT ALL ARE REAL, I JUST LOST $ 1,200 dollars TO A FAKE IMPOSTER. CLAIMING TO BE A REAL SPELL CASTER, BECAUSE I WAS DESPERATELY IN NEED OF HELP TO BRING BACK MY BELOVED HUSBAND BECAUSE I WAS NOT ABLE TO GIVE HIM A CHILD, ALSO TO KEEP MY FAMILY IN PEACE BUT I GOT NOTHING. NOTHING GOOD COMES EASY, FINALLY I HEARD ABOUT THIS MAN CALLED. (Dr Purity) A REAL SPELL CASTER, A GREAT MAN INDEED SO I GAVE HIM ALL TRUST, AND GUESS WHAT? HE TRANSFORMED MY FAMILY BACK IN JUST A WEEK, MY HUSBAND CAME BACK! THAT IS NOT THE END OF THE GREAT SPELL CASTER Dr Purity ( THE CHIEF PRIEST OF ALL SPELL CASTERS) ALSO TOLD HIM I COULDN’T GIVE BIRTH TO A CHILD AND HE PREPARED A SPELL FOR ME, MY HUSBAND SLEPT WITH ME, NOW ON THE THIRD WEEK I MISSED MY PERIOD AND I WENT TO A LOCAL HOSPITAL AND THE DOCTOR SAID I AM PREGNANT, I WAS SO MAD I COULD NOT CONTROL MY EMOTIONS IN THE CLINIC. THAT’S HOW I GOT MY FAMILY AND LOVE BACK, LIKE BACK THEN WHEN WE STARTED. IF YOU ARE STILL IN THIS CONDITION LIKE THIS PLEASE WASTE NO TIME, CONTACT.HIM NOW ON Puritytemple@priest.com or +233237788725 contact him now and your problem will be solved.

  • By JB12345
  • on 7/27/16 11:00 AM EST
MorrisAnn

I want to share my great experience to the whole world about how i got my lover back. I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank Lord Alika for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found lordalikaspelltemple@yahoo.co.uk a grate spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast. two days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for past 6 months now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. Lord Alika released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I'm writing this testimony right now I'm the most happiest girl on earth and me and my boyfriend is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that's why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.All thanks goes to Lord Alika for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, she will definitely help you too. lordalikaspelltemple@yahoo.co.uk or Link call him +2348072718865

peggygoldd

A GREAT SPELL CASTER THAT HELP ME BRING BACK MY EX LOVER.

What a wonderful and a straight forward spell caster that has brought back joy and happiness into my life!!! Am giving this testimony because am so happy, I want to thank Dr. Ken for the great thing He has done in my life , He brought happiness back to my life, I never believed in spell casters until my life fell apart when my lover of 6 years decided to call it quit almost when we wanted to get married. I was so emotional breakdown to the extent i could not do anything reasonable again, after 3months in pain before an old friend of mine introduced me to a spell caster on line called Dr Ken, this was after I have been scammed by various fake spell casters. I was introduced to Dr Ken a true Spell Caster. In less than 38 hours i saw wonders, my lover came back to me and my life got back just like a completed puzzle, and after 1month later we got married and it was just like a dream to me because i thought i had lost him forever. Thank you Dr. Ken for helping me but most of all, Your Honesty and Fast Accurate Results. EMAIL HIM FOR HELP: supersolutionhome1@gmail.com or supersolutionhom@yahoo.com or through his number +2348074433380. You can also read my testimony on my blogger: Link

peggygoldd

A GREAT SPELL CASTER THAT HELP ME BRING BACK MY EX LOVER.

What a wonderful and a straight forward spell caster that has brought back joy and happiness into my life!!! Am giving this testimony because am so happy, I want to thank Dr. Ken for the great thing He has done in my life , He brought happiness back to my life, I never believed in spell casters until my life fell apart when my lover of 6 years decided to call it quit almost when we wanted to get married. I was so emotional breakdown to the extent i could not do anything reasonable again, after 3months in pain before an old friend of mine introduced me to a spell caster on line called Dr Ken, this was after I have been scammed by various fake spell casters. I was introduced to Dr Ken a true Spell Caster. In less than 38 hours i saw wonders, my lover came back to me and my life got back just like a completed puzzle, and after 1month later we got married and it was just like a dream to me because i thought i had lost him forever. Thank you Dr. Ken for helping me but most of all, Your Honesty and Fast Accurate Results. EMAIL HIM FOR HELP: supersolutionhome1@gmail.com or supersolutionhom@yahoo.com or through his number +2348074433380. You can also read my testimony on my blogger: Link

veartwani

Hello

My name is veart(single). I was impressed when i saw your profile today at and i will like to establish a long lasting relationship with you. In addition,i will like you to reply me through this my private e-mail box(veartwani@ymail.com)
Thanks
waiting to hear from you soon.
veart
I will send to you my pictures in my next mail through this my mail box

veartwani@ymail.com

veartwani

Hello

My name is veart(single). I was impressed when i saw your profile today at and i will like to establish a long lasting relationship with you. In addition,i will like you to reply me through this my private e-mail box(veartwani@ymail.com)
Thanks
waiting to hear from you soon.
veart
I will send to you my pictures in my next mail through this my mail box

veartwani@ymail.com

nwesigwa

Hello dear friend,
To love someone is nothing, to be loved by someone is something, to love
someone who loves you is everything. Looking here for everything of my
life, I write some words. I am single and not engaged. I am in search of
true happiness and am hoping the future brings it. I am almost too honest
for my own good - and hate game playing.
nI am trying to handle some pretty encompassing issues in my life... but am
waiting to remain open-minded where the idea of romance exists. I am
looking for Honest, caring, patient, funny and loyal person. A man that
can be himself in the beginning and remain that same person all the way
through to the end of time !
nIf you are willing to love and be loved with your whole heart & willing to
make the people in your life a "solid' part of your soul... then maybe you
and I will connect. We might just have a lot to talk about through my
private e-mailbox(maryluveu@hotmailcom)
my contact info is.
Take care,
Ms mary maryluveu[at]ho/t/m/a/i/l/com

rose98

We did use Martin for our divorce recently and found him to be very knowledge and easy going. While the process of getting divorce is painful, he helped make it a little easier for us and our children. We will refer anyone we know to him. Thank you Martin!

  • By rose98
  • on 1/1/12 10:35 PM EST
Past30Days

You have got to be kidding!!! This from a man who left his wife for a younger woman after 20+ years. This isn't a man I'd take any advice from ... let alone divorce advice!