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Work Together and He Broke Up With Me
The man I thought completed me, was my best friend and the one I thought I would spend the rest of my life has broken up with me. This was not a sudden break up, we have done the on again, off again dating until he finally said "I am happiest when I am not in a relationship". We work at the same company, in the same building, but not directly together so I can avoid him. I am so broken hearted and I know that I have to go through a long healing process. I know I can't go around it, under it or over it, I have to go through it. I have asked all the questions "God why did you put such a wonderful man in my life, to only make it end likes this?", I have asked my ex "I thought you said I was your forever girl" ... I have asked a bazillion questions and still feel lost, lonely, frustrated, angry and shattered. I have to take things one hour at a time right now because much more than that will bring on an anxiety attack. This man was my best friend and that is what hurts the most. He desperately wants us to be friends and still hang out ... I can't do that because it hurts too much the next day. I still love him and want to be with him. Yes, I made the mistake of agreeing to be friends and to hang out because I thought he would see all the wonderful things he was going to miss out on if he truly let me go, but then I realized that he really doesn't care about that and I was getting hurt in the interium. I don't understand why he still wants to be friends. Why does he still want to hang out with me? Why does he still want to share emails and phone conversations? This past week I told him I couldnt have contact with him because I wasn't healing and he said he would respect my wishes and follow my lead. If I wanted contact to let him know and if not then he wouldn't contact me. He did add that he looks forward to the time when we can be friends again. What if I never get to that point? I have known this man 11 years and we dated 3 and then it was off and on for a year. We haven't dated since October 2009, but we have talked a lot and went out for drinks a few times since then, and lots and lots of emails. He has even told me that he still loves me. But, last week I finally asked if he thought we would ever have a relationship again and he said "no" ... so I had to break all ties.
At first I thought the breakup was a mid-life crisis thing because we are in that age group, but now I have to tell myself, it doesn't matter if that is it or not, the bottomline is, he doesn't want to be with me. So, far I have been doing ok, but just ok and as I said, it is one hour at a time. In the 11 years I have known him, I have never gone more than a week without talking to him, so this is going to be VERY hard. Please pray that I make it through next week without back sliding. I feel like I am rambling and I should probably start to bring this post to a close, but I have one more burning question in my mind ... what are your thoughts on me changing my job? I have thought many times that leaving the company would be the best way to move on, but I have 11 years in with the company and if I leave, does that send a negative or positive signal to the ex?
So, confused and so tired of crying.
Shared by: Ohkay7557 on 3/14/10
I hear you. I know exactly how you feel. Besides reading Arianne's book, I recently learned about vision boards through this blog: Link. I also clicked in the banner they have there for discover the Quantum method for Manifesting Your Dreams banner , got the program and started right away working on mine, and... OMG!! THE CHANGES!!!!
You will not believe it!
Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same.
Hi!! I do agree with all the other comments I have read regarding your situation. This guy wants his cake and to eat it to. I slowly would break ties with him--no more texting-then no more emails-tell him you have been busy and walk away, however do it all with a smile and kindness in your voice. You deserve better and remember we are "NOT" desperate women!!! If you deceide you want to find another job--then do so, but do it for yourself-dont worry about what he is thinking and further more who cares. Its time for a whole NEW you and a whole NEW change... Love an Light...
thank u for replying! So you answered your own question. Stay at the company.
Here is what I did after our breakup 6 years ago. I stayed friends at first until his new girlfriend didnt like that friendship. And honestly it is much better not seeing him (he leaves in my homevillage .. he even moved there with his new family :-)). AND all I did since that day is to purely focus on what makes me HAPPY! and that 24/7. So whatever it is that makes u feel good - DO IT! Have fun on your journey. Because you will be happy soon. D
Transformation ... Thank you for reading my story and for your advice. I am making my way through the 30 day breakup book right now. I will definitely take your advice and get the "You Deserve More" book too. I LOVE to read, it is one of my favorite pass times. Lately I haven't read much at all because I can't seem to focus. I thought I should check into some self-help books to get me over my ex and the loss I feel. So, I am at the beginning of that venture. I hope I get to feeling better soon.
Thank you again for your advice and support.
D (Lovinglife) Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story and to respond back to me. To answer your first question, I really like my job, am I passionate about it, no ... the position I had before the one I have now, I was very passionate about (and the reason I am not still in that position is an entirely different story). However, the company I work for is a good company, I have a really great boss, the money is good and I have eleven years in with this company. I am going to try the "avoidance" thing and pray that works for me. It helps tremendously that I don't work with him. It is very difficult knowing he is in the same building and we don't even speak ... how sad. But, I just can't be a casual friend. He recently sent me a text and said "I don't want to cause you stress, but I want to stay friends. I can remain in the background until you can handle contact" First, I don't understand how two people who shared the passion and love that we did at one time can be "just friends". I mean I can understand how HE thinks we can, because he obviously fell out of love with me. But, I don't know when or if I can have contact with him and those old feelings not bubble to the top again.
I am certainly in the hour by hour phase. It is the only way I keep from thinking about my situation and over analyzing things.
You also asked, what do I want to make happen in my life ... and as cliche as this sounds, I just want to feel happy again. I want to go through one full day and be happy. I want to go through one full day and NOT have him enter my mind one time.
Thank you again for listening and your support. I feel so blessed to have found this site.