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If you have questions about this change, you're in the right place. Our editors, experts, and community of change optimists have answers!


Question:New Job? How to overcome fear and get active?

Hello to you all,

I’m new to this site and I’m happy I found it. I also bought the book and I’m halfway through it. Love it.

Even though I made up my mind about the need to change my situation, I am still fearful. It’s been years now that I know that I have to change my job. This thought stays with me like a bad addiction. I’m not happy anymore. And the fact that I’m underpaid is not really helping in enjoying my job. The only reason I’m still here is that, first, my mum always tells me, among other things, that I should stay because my colleagues are nice and that I know what I have but do not know what I get. This reasoning is not really helping motivate me for another job.

My own fears also show up. I fear this change, I’m afraid that I won’t live up to the new expectations. I don’t know, I fear everything….I fear that I need to change my whole self to be accepted in a new job.

The second thing is that I fear rejection at the job interview. I’m always sooo nervous, I’m trembling and I’m too nervous to think. I guess this is because I’m shy. That’s also my problem. I’m too shy!

I also need to change my outlook. I need to buy new clothes, more businesslike cloths. At the moment I can go in jeans and sneakers. I need to change that. I really want to change that. Sometimes, I feel like a teen even though I’m 29!! Even though I know that, I don’t know where to start because I fear that everybody rejects me after changing myself.

Perhaps it’s also the fact that I was raised by saying that change is bad.


There’s so much I need to change…..

Where do I get started?


Asked by Romy71079 on 10/8/08 4 Answers»


Hi guys,

I got a new job!!!! Yeah, I made it :-D 2010 is my year of change...we bought a new home, I was told today that I got this new job I did the interview for, and we're getting married this September!! A lot of change, I know, but hopefully it all turns out well!

My greatest fear is that I don't live up to the expectations of my new boss :-( I have to take deep breaths every time that thought pops up in my head and tell myself that I should worry less ;-) If somehow I could turn off that fear :-(

Thanks for cheering for me Kiki76 and LMAYO9!

Answered by: Romy71079 on 6/4/10


First of all I wanted to thank you two for taking the time and “answering” my questions. Somehow it feels good to know that one is not alone!

I always feel as I am the only one going through change. I think too much, and in doing that, my fear shows up and makes everything "harder".

At the moment, I’m really motivated to at least try and change… so, today, I will do some window shopping to see what’s new out there. When I see something that I like, I only have to remind myself that I want to change my style a little bit, because normally I end up with the same sort of clothes as always.

Hm, it seems that all mums are the same, LMAYO9….Interesting to know :-) I guess you’re right, and I will try not to listen too much to her in this matter. Or interpret it differently.

What you said about job interviews, Kiki76, that’s pretty much the same what my boyfriend tells me. That I need to go out there and do job interviews. I only can get better at it. I think I have to listen more often to him :-) He will be pleased because since I started to “whine” about needing a new job, he always tells me the same….

Somewhere in the book it is mentioned to change your (negative) thoughts in positive ones. I would say this is one of the hardest parts because the negative thoughts pop up over and over again. I have to work on that, too....

I will think about all that is posted here over the next few days. This is really helping me and I will keep you informed on how it goes. Or if I have another question, I know where to ask :-D

Thanks for believing in me!!! I have to do that too, sometimes.

Answered by: Romy71079 on 10/9/08


Hi Romy! I think you've already answered your own question re: where do you start. Recognizing that you need to make a change is a HUGE step that you've already made and you should be proud of yourself. Many people go through their lives accepting the status quo just because they can't recognize that they need to change things. You're already on your path, now you just need to see it through.

Why not start with buying new clothing? Once you feel you look more professional, you'll feel more confident and professional and WORTHY of your changes. From there, you can begin your job hunt. And you don't have to change who you are to get a new job and start on a new path in your life. Just from your post it sounds like you're a very nice, considerate, responsible person. That part will never change, and I'm guessing that's the part that your friends and family love about you. They can't fault you for improving your life and finding happiness in your work.

And it's funny that your mom and my mom sound the same. I left a pretty "good" job about a year and a half ago because i didn't like the work anymore and I felt like I had no life. Both my parents sort of flipped and said I was throwing my life away, but I realized they only said that out of THEIR fear for me. It's not that it was a good or bad decision, it was that they were afraid of me going off into the world and doing something different. Often, our parents say things that aren't necessarily beneficial to us, but it's just out of their protective natures. Just because it's not something they would do doesn't mean it's not something you should do. And you can always stay in touch with nice coworkers once you move on to your dream job.

Kiki is right in that you have the luxury of looking for a better job while you have your current one. That's the best possible scenario! So if you go on a job interview and you are not chosen, then you still have solid income and you're ready for the next opportunity that comes your way. And try to view each interview as a notch on your experience belt, not a opportunity for rejection. With each interview you get better and figure out what people need, and the right opportunity will come your way at the right time.

Remember that your fear is normal. It's a part of change, and the key is to not let it stand in your way.

You can do it Romy!!

Answered by: LMAYO9 on 10/8/08


Romy...thank you for sharing your fears so openly! I can see how one change (job) is spiraling into another (changing your look) into another (growing up!).

Breathe. You only have to do one thing right now, and that's continuing to put one foot in front of the other. You have something that a lot of people don't right now—a job! That means you have the freedom to take the time to find what's right for you. Don't worry about rejection. Each interview is practice for the next one. I read your changeography and it says you have a boyfriend who is super supportive. Perhaps you can enlist his help in running through some interview questions!

You say that you were raised to say change is bad. That can stop today! You can choose to see change as good, and start with something small. Maybe you don't need to give up your jeans; just try a pair of heels instead of sneakers! You don't need to overcome your shyness in one day...maybe today you start with a positive affirmation you can repeat to yourself when you get overwhelmed by what you want to accomplish. It can give you inner strength that will help combat the shyness.

I believe in you, Romy! You can "be the change you want to see in the world." Good luck, and keep us all posted on how things are unfolding.

Answered by: Kiki76 on 10/8/08
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