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Robert Hensley

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Laurie Puhn

Harvard-trained, family and divorce mediator, and author

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William Easton

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If you have questions about this change, you're in the right place. Our editors, experts, and community of change optimists have answers!


Question:What are the qualities you're looking for?

I have a different concept of what I want from a friend versus a boyfriend versus a husband. While some characteristics are in common, I don't think it's unreasonable to want certain qualities in someone you want to spend your entire life with.

Asked by Changeling on 5/27/08 1 Answer»


There's a great book that delves into some of this—C.S. Lewis' The Four Loves. In it, Lewis describes the way we
love—Affection, Friendship, Eros, Agape—and how they often overlap or become confused.

It stands to reason that we want certain qualities in a lover vs. a friend; how would we know the difference otherwise? But I also want my husband to be my friend—I want to feel affection as well as eros, I suppose. It's a complex question with complex answers!

Answered by: Kiki76 on 5/28/08
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