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If you have questions about this change, you're in the right place. Our editors, experts, and community of change optimists have answers!


Question:The grief process and job change

I've been thru a traumatic experience since the beginning of the year. I was written up for being irritable and losing my temper on my job, which involved a lot of public contact and dealing with customer complaints. I've never been written up in my 21 years with the company. So, I was barely digesting that when, two days later, I was offered another job with hardly any public contact within the same department and I took it. I've mostly trained in my replacement and have begun training at my new job.

I talked with a counselor I've known for years and he helped me figure out the main stress on my old job was shame - shame from not being able to handle the public contact. However, I now feel like I'm going thru the grief process for the loss of my old job and the change in my relationship with the supervisor I had at my old job. Thru an odd coincidence, he moved to another unit in December and I've now been moved to his unit. It was the new supervisor, who I also had years ago, who wrote me up, then arranged for me to move. I had an "office spouse" relationship with my old and now current supervisor. It was almost embarrassing at times how much he depended on me. Now, though he was welcoming and glad to have me in his unit at first, it's just different.

So, I've got a whole range of emotions within me - happiness I still have job, trauma from almost being fired, seeming grief about losing my old job, even though I hated it, and sadness. At random times, I feel like crying. I know the recovery process will take time. That's why I contacted my counselor, to help with the process. Any advice on how to get thru this will be appreciated.

Asked by Evelyn on 1/19/09 2 Answers»


Hello, Yes, it was for I also went through the same situation and was terminated 1 mo ago.I was with with this company for 5 years. I was a good worker. My Team wasnotmy friends for they lied and stabbed me in the back--how about that!!! Back in april and May of '09 I wanted to leave-I was ready to do so. Oh No you can't do that and I received a raise to stay. I sold myself short to say the least. When Your GUT tells you to RUN--DO IT!!! So, I stayed and look where it got me "unemployed"!!! However, at this time I did learn a few valuable lessons: 1. Don't just stay with a job because you are comfortable. 2. Watch for the Red Flags~your being blamed for this or that-your being pushed or shoved around, not trusting your co-workers whom you always have before. 3. BELIEVE in what your intuition is telling you and if you are feeling uncomfortable~"Its time to move on". Now, Ariane gave me a great piece of advise: We must stop rehashing what happened. Learn from it, grow from it and move forward, Let it go... For, from this situation something good will come. Believe that!!! Love and light...

Answered by: twobrowneyes on 3/11/10


You are currently in a hostile work environment that is toxic. If you make one small turn and they just do not like, your employer will let you go without notice. The statement you said "trauma almost being fired" is and indication to searching for another job.

I was a Manager at my past employer, my boss was friends with one of the team members I supervised. Whenever I pointed out a discrepancy with this person; it was blown off. There was many verbal counseling with My boss, team member and myself and still no support from my boss. That created a hostile work environment and became a challenge. My boss would support me on some of my goals to continue on team success. The most important responsibility as a Manager should would not support me was my Leadership role. It was use against me and was let go. Living in an "At Will" state employer can let you go for any reason, unfair reason as long it is not discrimination.

I am saying this to you because I did not listen strongly to my intuition and I was let go without any notice. I did not aggressively search to get out, my now past job. I am now unemployed and search for a new job. You may be a challenge to decide to leave somewhere you have been awhile but if you do not start taking action, you will be in between job.

I hope the advise was helpful

Answered by: marah2448 on 1/20/10
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