Get help from our network of more than 300 experts on changes big and small, personal and professional.
Bonnie Bruderer on New Romances
Internationally renowned life coach Bonnie Bruderer was trained by Tony Robbins as a mentor and neuro-linguistic programmer, but Bruderer eventually struck out on her own as an international speaker, coach and author of Becoming: “The One” and the follow-up Staying “The One” While Finding “The One.” Bruderer, also a certified holistic health practitioner, talks about the importance of the first 30 days of finding a new relationship.
What are some practical things people can do to find a new relationship?
You can act as if you have already found it. I have a concept in my book, Becoming: “The One,” called “Remembering Forward.” It teaches people to act as if they already are in the relationship they desire. I believe so strongly in the “Law of Attraction.” If you resonate as if you already have what you are looking for, it will be delivered to you.
What are your top tips for finding a new relationship?
Get your “mojo” going. Do things in your day-to-day life that make you feel alive, sexy and deserving of a relationship. Flirt with someone at a coffee shop. Dress up like you have an incredible date and notice how people react to you and your energy. You will be pleasantly surprised with what shows up in your life.
What types of creative visualize techniques can people use to find a new relationship?
Again, practice “Remembering Forward.” Talk about how you are going to feel in your new relationship, how you are going to act, what you’re going to look like and what activities you will do with your partner. Be extremely clear on what it is you desire to attract into your life. Make a list of the qualities that are an absolute must for you and only engage in dates with people who fit the criteria.
Who should people be when trying to find a new relationship?
It is important to be “The One.” Be the person you wish to attract in life. If you want someone kind, compassionate, sexy, playful and fun, be those things. Instead of looking outside of yourself to find what you want in life, just become that which you want.
What is one interesting fact about finding a new relationship?
What you believe will happen, will happen. I have seen this work both ways firsthand. If you believe someone amazing, talented and kind will come into your life, they will. Trust that the universe knows when to deliver them. I have also seen people who are afraid of something in a relationship, such as loss or an affair, and they also create these circumstances.
After people decide to find a new relationship, why are the first 30 days so crucial?
The first 30 days are crucial because this is when you are setting the foundation. I strongly believe you teach people how to treat you. During this period, you are assessing if the people you are considering relationships with meet your values, criteria, wants and desires. You are also learning about boundaries and communication patterns. It is important to set these things straight from the very beginning to ensure long-term success.
What feelings can be expected during this search?
Any and all! Relationships bring up each and every emotion. From love and happiness to fear and deeply held emotional issues. Trust that each of these emotions are there for a purpose and allow all of them to surface. Embrace the positive ones and allow the negative ones to act as “warning lights.” Ask yourself what you need to learn or do with the negative emotions, implement the answer and move forward.
What is the most important thing to do after the first 30 days?
Keep your behavior consistent with how you were in the first 30 days. So many times in life, people get comfortable or do not put forth the effort they did in the beginning of a journey. They expect the same rewards, but they don’t want to give the energy. If you continue to act as if you are blissfully excited with this new experience, the experience will continue at that level.
What is the belief you personally go to during times of change?
That it is all part of the journey, and even the painful times are taking me closer to what I truly desire in life.
The best thing about change is…
…the rewards that are on the other side!
What’s the best change you have ever made?
Most of the time, the changes I’ve experienced were made for me. The last relationship I went through that didn’t work out brought tremendous change. In losing my partner, I also lost my job, place to live, my future, my dreams and my income, and I had to move from a different country. None of this was my decision and it happened in one single day. I learned the most beautiful gift in life from that experience—I can get through anything. I embraced all of the changes and accomplished incredible goals with the new opportunities I created.
For more information on Bonnie Bruderer, visit www.theonecoaching.com.