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Struggled for Years Before Diagnosis


It has been about 20 years since my panic disorder and unlderying depression were diagnosed.

The panic is what finally drove me to look for help - I could not get to the mailbox without having a panic attack - getting to work was awful.

I do not want to trivialize any part of anxiety or depression - I have been in some very dark places. However, over years of therapy (one-on-one, group, and self-help) I have learned that I have two choices - I can seek internal control or I can allow myself to be controlled by outside factors.

This realization and living this does not happen overnight and slips to happen - blaming othes, looking for any way not to own what I am feeling or how I am or am not dealing with any given situation.

I have to remember that I, and only I, can control how I react to people and situations. When I do not remember that and slip, then I allow myself to be controlled and become reactive to outside influences (the job loss, the miscarriage, the disease, the husband, the kids, etc.). But what comes of blaming anything or anyone? Nothing. I can only change myself and my reaction, my coping skills. And therein lies the key - skill. This is something that can be learned. I could go on and on about this and my 20-year journey thus far. But for today, I will let this be my words of wisdom.

I have managed to eliminate the antipressants and am only on Kolonopin for the panic disorder which is under great control.

I do understand that all of this sounds very crazy, and 20 years ago I would have agreed. It is not an easy process and, again, the change does not happen overnight. But think that you did not end up where you are today overnight either. It takes work and dedication and a support system.

My best to all...Holly

Shared by Holly0831 on 7/3/08


What a wise woman are

you, Holly!! And you, also,


You have been there. . . . .

found that strength deep

within. You learned, chose

other methods to respond

and deal with experi-

ences coming into your


Yea!! Hooray!! Congrats!!

Kudos to you both!!!


That's wonderful wisdom, Holly.
I try to remind myself that what I'm feeling and thinking is within my control. When I catch myself slipping into negative thoughts or putting myself down about how much I've not accomplished I always try to pull it back to a place where I can see how truly gifted I am to even be alive.

It's good to read stories like yours.

  • By bstarr
  • on 7/3/08 3:30 PM EST