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If you have questions about this change, you're in the right place. Our editors, experts, and community of change optimists have answers!

Sadie22

Question:Haven't met kids yet?

My boyfriend and I have been dating seriously for over 6months and I haven't met his 9 and 13 yr old kids (who he sees every weekend) plus they know nothing of our relationship. He says he doesn't want them to be jealous of me and doesn't feel its neccesary for me to meet them yet. Should I take this personally or wait until what he believes is the "right time"?

Asked by Sadie22 on 12/15/08 3 Answers»
angie805

Answer:

My parents were divorced when I was a child, and they were both really careful about introducing other people to us kids. I am truly grateful for that because I believe it would have been too painful to have this new person introduced into our lives, get attached, and then have to deal with them leaving if the relationship didn't work out. I think your boyfriend is just being sensitive to his kids' needs.

Answered by: angie805 on 12/21/08
VictoriaB

Answer:

Six months might seem like a long time and it's probably long enough for you to know how you feel about him, but we're all different. He could have any number of reasons for wanting to go slow with meeting the children. They might even be reasons that are protecting you (he might now want to frighten you away) or there might be reasons having to do with how much he has honestly communicated with them about his dating status or his relationship with their mother.

I guess my point is, you never know what's going on in someone's mind in situations like these. It could very well be more complicated than you would imagine.

If you care for him and can give it a bit more time, it might be best to let him come around to introducing you when he's ready.

Answered by: VictoriaB on 12/16/08
kristen

Answer:

That's a really tough question! Judging by the fact that you're in your twenties and he's got a 13-year-old, I'm guessing there's an age gap? Maybe he's fearful they'll see you as a sister or babysitter rather than someone significant in his life.

Or maybe he's just really protective of his kids. It's a hard dynamic, introducing someone new. I guess my thought is that maybe you continue to talk to him about strengthening your bond as a couple, so that when and if the time does come for you to meet his kids that you're a solid unit and they will be able to see you as someone very important in his life.

Either way, the relationship to really focus on here is probably the one you have with him. Uncover what his real fears are. Then you'll know how to proceed.

Good luck!

Answered by: kristen on 12/16/08
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