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I am 50 and got divorced 2 yrs ago and the only problem is that my kids were introduced to the woman my ex cheated on me with and they get along with her great. It seem like they have disrespected me by doing so even tho they say they still love me and do
married the woman he cheated on me with
kids like her dtg-in- law and oldest son doesnt talk to me
I'm feeling your pain kwell, and my heart and well wishes for a brighter future are with you. I've been in this situation and I felt the same way you do, betrayed and disrespected. I felt like my ex husband was the enemy and I didn't understand why my Son would visit him. And I was devasted that he really liked the Woman my ex left me for. I felt like he should have taken "my side" In the beginning I think it's normal to feel that way, but then there comes a time when you have to let go. I spent about 6 months just being so angry and dreaded the visitation days. I then came to realized that I wasn't doing myself any good stressing over it anymore. I was wasting to much of my energy and time on something I couldn't change. I then started using the alone time to do some healing and getting out and doing things I enjoyed again. I hope you can "let go" and get out and start enjoying your life again...
At least your children haven't been turned AGAINST you which is so often the case when it comes to divorces. You still have plenty to be thankful for. You're focusing on the "rough spots". So many others in your position are faced with a much more devastating level of heartache than what you describe. Compared to the utter ANGUISH some of us other folks have gone through after being rejected by our children in addition to our former spouse, you're dealing with the milder end of post divorce "turmoil". Again, learn to be thankful that it's not any worse than it could have been. Your level of turmoil is simply a (MILDLY) standard level that follows the break up of a marriage. You actually have reason to SMILE at this moment. You have been lucky!
ups I forgot to actually mention what you ask, your children know what happened and still choose to accept her. They are not disrespecting you though I see how you can feel that way. Why? you will always be MOM. Enjoy them, and until you heal put on your best face for them when they talk about it or her. Leave your ex and that women away from your feelings when it comes to the kids. You are and always will be the right one and number one for your children. remember Karma he left you for her, she might leave him down the line for someone else, what goes around comes around. Concentrate in positive thinking and peace of mind...
Getting divorce is up there with the high stress events of life. It is a loss and a gain. The biggest challenge of your life is to one day look at that woman and your ex and feel nothing.... that is when you know you have heal, moved on and could not care less what they do. Always leave your children out of this it's not their fault. In the meantime like everyone who answered your question said, kwells it's time to take care of you. No one knows why things happen but this is your crossroad now embrace it and make the best of it. God bless
"It aint necessarily so", Kwells, even tho it may seem like it. I am 57, and I have come to believe that no one is more overworked and underapprecited than Mom. Like Mother Theresa said, "True love, hurts." Remember childbirth? Give 'em time, they will let you know how much you mean to them.
I am one of the "other women". Although I did not meet him until after he was separated and living alone, we waited until his divorce was final, then we started really seeing eachother. That was 12 years ago. We have been married for 9 years and have two sons of our own. He has 3 girls from his previous marriage. Two of which got pregnant in HS. The 3rd came to live with us 6 years ago when she was 10.
Being the other women is hard too. I do understand your pain, but the fact is the relationship had to be tarnished, that is why he looked for someone else. YOu are important too. You need to find your new path in live. Wow! what a great new begining. I know divorce is hard for everyone, but I try to find a positive side. I have explained in the past to his girls, "Isn't it better to have two homes with people that love you? No more fights all the time. No more anger. No more silent dinners.
And for you... no more lies. As for the respect, I would allways encourage respect to everyone. In our case, the Ex is very "self" centered. I attempt to heal some of the pain and I KNOW that is seen by the Ex as a way of getting back at her. She has told so many lies about me....well, that part is not importat...It really has nothing to do with her. Its all about the kids. Do I like or agree with the EX... not in most cases. But in 12 years it has been a very rare occasion that I will slam her infront of the kids. (You can imagine my horror when the 15 and 16 year old got pregnant..... together) As a final thought... God doesn't present you with situations you can't handle. Its time to live YOUR life.
I will pray for your peace and a clear and faithful path on your horizon.
Dear, dear kwells,
This situation has really got to be hard for you.
It sounds like your children are curious about this individual. No doubt, they still want a connection with their dad and getting along with her is going to make that possible. From the look of it, you have done an excellent job teaching them and they are putting those lessons to the test in "checking out" this new person. Are they
becoming independent & self-reliant?
What's important right now, is for You to take care of YOU. Pamper yourself, even if it's just taking a luxurious bubble bath or going for a long walk. If you can, get some exercise regularly, see that you get 8 hours sleep. A good, healthy diet is necessary. Decide what you want in your life; make a plan. Set some short, mid & long term goals to achieve what you want. Focus on a new hobby, a class, a skill, or helping someone -- something that gives you satisfaction and happiness.
Meditation helps to look inside yourself to know what needs to be released -- (anger, resentment, pain, fear, low of self esteem, sense of loss, etc.).
See caring friends or talk to your family. It might help to seek the council of a professional or a minister or find a support group.
Remember, you are your children's mother, and that will never change! AND THEY DO LOVE YOU!
Hope that this helps.