Living More Spiritually

Living more spiritually isn't just for monks and yogis—you can experience increased happiness and peace of mind, too.

Spirituality is not something you do. And it’s not something you are. Spirituality is a path you choose to take, a journey you embark upon with no set destination. In making the decision to explore spiritual ways of living, you’re simply committing to looking within—becoming an inner explorer, one who shifts his or her attention from the outside world to the vast inner landscape.

Living more spiritually can also help to increase your faith in life; you’ll begin to trust that you’re headed in the right direction, even if you can’t see what’s around the corner. “Spirituality means, among other things, renouncing the belief that one has control over the course of one’s entire life and learning to have a friendly attitude with the unknown or mysteries in our individual journey,” says Desiree Marin, a life coach who helps people fulfill their spiritual goals. “And living more spiritually definitely helps people live happier and more fulfilling lives.”

There are countless ways of jump-starting a spiritual life, such as participating in organized religion, meditation, yoga, prayer, quiet introspection, communing with nature and expressing gratitude. But behind every outlet is the most important element of igniting your spirituality: you.

Living more spiritually begins by connecting with who you really are—your true essence. And it requires you to ask some profound questions about what you want out of life and why you’re here in the first place. As you look deeply into your heart (and soul) for answers, you’ll awake a part of you that has been hidden behind your mind and ego. This is the true you—the one that has been pushed beneath your outward desires, fears and insecurities.

Being Spiritual: Ego vs. Spirit

As you embark upon the first 30 days of a spiritual journey, you should begin to recognize when you’re being driven by your ego and mind and allow your heart and spirit to lead. Your ego side is extremely powerful and persuasive. This is where fear and insecurity are generated and what motivates you to seek control from the changing nature of outside circumstances. Your spirit side, however, accepts whatever new situations life presents and is open, trusting and comfortable with letting things unfold as they may.

During change or any other stressful situation, checking in quickly with your mind and body will alert you to which side is currently in the lead. If your thoughts are negative and disempowering (“Why am I so unlucky?” or “I’m never going to feel better”) and your body is manifesting physical signs of anxiety (sweating, nervous stomach, headaches, etc.) your ego is most likely in control. But if your thoughts are positive and your body is calm, your spirit is leading the way.

Though it’s easy for your ego to dominate—to drag you into a sea of fear and worry—you can pull it back by allowing your spirit to step in. This gets easier as you continually tap into this all-knowing, all-trusting, calm part of yourself through meditation, prayer or quiet reflection. And when you tap into your spiritual side, you’re choosing to believe that Life, the Universe, God or the Divine (the specific name is unimportant, but the concept is essential) has your best interests in mind and that regardless of the challenges you may be facing now, you’re headed toward a better future.

After accidentally running over and killing a small child, Gary King sank into a dark depression. It was only after years of being unable to forgive himself that he realized that he had a choice: He could continue to live from his ego (a place that was afraid to move forward) or he could live from his heart and spirit (a place that would allow him to learn and grow from even the most painful event).

“The accident was one of the most powerful blessings in my whole lifetime,” explains King. “If I could change it, I wouldn’t. From the outside that may sound cruel, but I believe there was something bigger in all of that and I looked for the something bigger. For a while, I told everybody that I was a victim, which allowed me to not take responsibility for my life, but as I started to unravel it all, I saw a bigger picture. I saw an extremely empowering situation. In learning to forgive myself, I realized that there was something about the experience that was so profound that I was supposed to do something with it.”

As you become more and more familiar with your spirit, the part of you that isn’t fearful, controlling or concerned about how you’re regarded in the world, you’ll start to see this side in other people, as well. Instead of focusing on somebody’s outside qualities—what she looks like, what she does or where she lives—you’ll begin to notice her inner qualities—her spirit or essence. You may find that your shy neighbor is actually extraordinarily kind, patient or generous and that your boss is not angry and demanding, but lonely and insecure. And as you continue on your spiritual journey, you’ll discover that we’re connected by the simple fact that we’re all human beings capable of great love.

Being Spiritual: The Power of the Present

Creating a more spiritual life often starts with tuning into the present. We spend most of our time lost in the past (wallowing in guilt or regret or longing for what once was) or hypothesizing about the future (hoping and dreaming about what’s to come). Existing in the present, where you are right now, is one of the great joys of creating a life based around spirit.

“Living more spiritually is to make our thoughts and feelings be congruent with our actions, so that we can fully live the present and thus allow ourselves to find a personal connection with our higher power, as each one of us perceives it,” explains Marin.

Since the past is gone and the future is unknown, being in the here and now, 100% in the present, allows you to truly live life. Things are always changing, whether we like it or not, so it’s useless to hold onto the past or to fantasize about what may arise in the future.

“You can never step in the same river twice and you can’t breathe in the same breath twice, so nothing is permanent, fixed the way it is,” says Wayne Dyer, author of 31 books on spirituality and self-improvement. “There’s constant movement, the cyclical nature of the world is really about accepting and understanding change, and there’s not a damn thing any of us can do about it.”

A yoga class helped Peter Krey* become aware of just how much energy he gives to the past and the future. Usually his mind would wander as he moved through the series of poses, but that day the instructor asked the students to take note of their thoughts. Were they still at the office or were they already setting the table for the dinner they would later have at home?

“The teacher asked us to ‘stay in the room,’ ” Krey says. “It was a really simple instruction, but it had a serious affect on my thought processes. I realized that by letting my mind wander back into my workday or forward into the evening, tomorrow and even beyond, I was not allowing myself to enjoy the class I was currently taking. I was actually robbing myself of what I was experiencing. But I found that I could snap back into the present just by focusing on my breath.”

Bringing yourself into the present—even briefly—can be a welcome respite from all of the remembering and hoping. But spending more time in the present doesn’t mean that you can’t plan for the future or look back on fond memories (or learn from challenging ones). To function in the world, it’s sometimes necessary to look forward and also to step back into the past, but it’s essential not to get lost in either one, to remember that because the present is happening now, it’s the only true reality.

Gauging Your Spirituality: Do You Look In or Out?

Transitioning from an ego-dominated life to one led by heart and spirit is a lifelong journey that can start right now. You may find that your spiritual life is best enhanced by regular participation in an organized religion or you may discover that a personal home practice of meditation, prayer or quiet reflection is deeply fulfilling. Whatever path you choose, it will be the catalyst that helps you change your point of view from one that continually looks “out” to one that looks “in.” During the first 30 days of living more spiritually, you’ll begin to notice if you live life with an outward prospective, constantly seeking validation and affirmation that you’re good enough, attractive enough, successful enough, powerful enough, loved enough and so on. When the truth is—and this becomes clear when you start looking inward—you are and have always been a wonderful person, perfect in your imperfection.

To move from an outward life to a more spiritual or inward life, Dyer recommends adjusting the ingrained thoughts that create our reality. “It’s important to see that I’m not what I have, that I am not what I do and that I am not what others think about me,” he explains. “I am not separate from anyone else and I am not separate from anything that is missing in my life.”

Maria Russo* experienced firsthand the power of turning her attention from the outside to the inside. Though she and her husband had been married just six months, Russo was deeply unhappy in the relationship. She had an idea of what a spouse was supposed to be and, up until that point, Jim* had yet to live up to her vision. They fought constantly about money, the time he spent with his friends and when they planned to have a baby.

One night, after a huge argument that left Maria on the verge of asking for a divorce, she decided to look within for the answers. “I asked what I imagined was God or the Universe if this man was right for me, if we could make it work,” she recalls. “I remained quiet and still and the answer came to me not in a big neon sign, but in a resounding peace that filled my body and mind. When my husband came home later that night, I saw him in a new light. I had begun to let go of my expectations of what this marriage—and my husband—was supposed to be. I stopped looking at what I didn’t have and began focusing on what I did have: a loving, committed partner who was willing to grow with me.”

Your Spiritual Journey: You’re Never Alone

After a series of harrowing events in which she was raped, robbed and discovered that her husband had been having affairs for years, Christina Markenson* turned to prayer for guidance. Though she initially rejected the idea of God or the Divine, wondering how a loving God could allow these things to happen to her, she quickly learned that blame wasn’t helping her feel better and that there was a higher force to which she could turn. “I might never know the purpose of why I went through such hard times, but I knew that a life without prayer, or some feeling of closeness to God, would not make things any better,” she says.

Christina first prayed for her life to be over, but when she realized that this wish was only fueling her agony, she changed direction and began praying for inner peace and for the power to forgive her assailants. It worked. Eventually, her life regained some normalcy and the feelings of pain and suffering began to subside. “Prayer washed me clean again,” she says. “It was my way of dealing, of getting all of that anger, hurt and disbelief out in a safe way.”

One of the greatest rewards of a spiritual life—in addition to general happiness, contentment and peace of mind and spirit—is the knowledge that you’re never alone. There’s help on the divine level through prayer and meditation, and help on the earthly level through support groups, therapists, coaches, friends, family, books and online resources.

As you explore your spirituality, remember that it’s not necessary to become an instant master—you just need to start at the beginning. Today, you can begin simply by laughing more.

* name(s) have been changed