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Licensed clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist.

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Tristan Taormino

Sex educator, author and Village Voice columnist

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Tristan Taormino on Better Sex

Tristan Taormino on Better Sex

Sex educator Tristan Taormino is an author, filmmaker and regular contributor to The Village Voice in a sex advice column titled “Pucker Up.” Her how-to and erotic books include True Lust: Adventures in Sex, Porn and Perversion, Down and Dirty Sex Secrets: The New and Naughty Guide to Being Great in Bed and The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. Taormino is the winner of a Firecracker Alternative Book Award and was named Amazon.com's Number One Bestseller in Women’s Sex Instruction in 1998. In this interview, Taormino explains how exploration can be helpful for a better sex life.

What are the most common problems or issues that you hear from your readers who want a better sex life?

Many people feel isolated about their own sexual desires and they think they’re the only ones out there that have them. A lot of questions start with: “You’ve probably never heard this before, but now I’m going to bare my soul to you.” And, in fact, I heard it yesterday and I’ll hear it tomorrow. People have this very clear notion of what great sex is and that they’re not having it. They believe, truly, that everyone else around them is having it.

What are the most important actions to take in the first 30 days of improving your sex life?

The first thing that people need to do is masturbate. We think that masturbation is for people who are lonely or don’t have a date. But, actually, masturbation is the first step to becoming a better lover and to figuring out what you want and need. It’s reacquainting yourself with your body and figuring out what feels good and what kind of touch you like. If you can open yourself up and let your mind wander, where are the places that you go when you masturbate? Who do you fantasize about? Is it a real experience, or is it something you’ve never experienced? Is it a fantasy? Being open to that—or even journaling about it—is the first way that you can get in touch with your fantasies.

The other important action is communication. The thing that’s really tricky is that no one has ever taught us how to talk about sex. It’s a learned skill and it takes practice. When you talk about sex, I think it’s important to come to the conversation with an open mind, an open heart and without judgment of yourself or your partner. Talking about sex makes people feel nervous, inhibited and really vulnerable. It’s true that revealing this part of yourself to someone else can be very, very intense. If you don’t reveal it, you’re never going to take your sex life to the next level.

How can one overcome any negative experiences in the first 30 days of working to improve his or her sex life?

I think part of it is giving yourself permission to explore and let go of these ideas of what you should be doing, or what you think everyone else is doing. I know what everybody else is doing, and it’s so incredibly diverse and unique. There’s no “one” sex life.

What can people expect to experience emotionally during the first 30 days of improving their sex lives?

Your sexuality is dynamic, not static. People, whether they’re in long-term relationships or not, see themselves as one particular way sexually and we get kind of stuck on that. We can also do that with our partner: We think we know our partners inside and out; we know what turns them on; we know what kind of things they like. So when they come to us and say, “Hey, I was thinking maybe we could try this,” it’s hard for us to let go of who we think that person is.

What are the benefits of introducing porn or erotica to one’s sex life?

The thing about erotica and porn that can be really good is that it gives singles or couples a window into different worlds where there are different activities, different positions, different dynamics, different fantasies and different scenarios. Often I think it can actually help you communicate with your partner. I’ve heard from people that they just don’t know how to say something, but if they see it in a movie they could say, “Honey I want to do that.”

What would you say to people who believe their partners are the biggest obstacle to better sex?

The first thing they have to realize is that sexual incompatibility is one of the number one problems that couples seek therapy for, so you aren’t alone. If your sexual style and your partner’s sexual style match perfectly, more power to you. But, in reality, that’s not always the case—or it changes. I think we need to cut each other some slack. What’s most important is, if you value this relationship, then find a way to create a sex life that will work for both of you.

What’s the most important thing to do beyond the first 30 days in order to continue this sexy progress?

As with any other growth or improvement, you’ve got to sustain it. It’s a matter of being really honest with yourself and your partner about what it is you want and you need from your sex life. Then remind yourself to keep at it. There are people who recommend making an appointment to have sex and other people say, “Oh that’s not romantic! That’s not sexy! You’re scheduling me now?” But the truth is that’s how most of our lives are. People are busier and more overcommitted than they have ever been. I feel that a reminder in your Palm Pilot or a circle on a date in the calendar is not un-sexy. Whether you’ve made an appointment or not, once you get into it, it’s pretty fun.

SIGNATURE QUESTIONS

What is the belief you personally go to during times of change?

I thought it was impossible, but I did make it through the last thing. So I’m going to make it through this.

The best thing about change is...

…growth, because with change really comes growth and you become a better person.

What is the best change you have ever made?

I recently moved to the country after living in the city my entire life and it’s been really amazing for my mental health.

For more information on Tristan Taormino, visit www.puckerup.com.

Posted: 11/17/07
Alexandria22

How to get your Ex lover back fast after a breakup or divorce! Unityspelltemple@gmail.com is certainly the best spell caster online, and his result is 100% guarantee..
I’m so excited shareing my testimony..
After 12years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Unity real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com , you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348071622464 ,you can also visit his website: Link .
Wendy Murray

Shannon64

How I Got My Ex Husband Back...........

I am Shannon by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address Makospelltemple@yahoo.com , have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 2 days that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband. Thanks for Dr.Mako. His email: Makospelltemple@yahoo.com OR.His WhatsApp Number:+2347054263874.

Shannon64

How I Got My Ex Husband Back...........

I am Shannon by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address Makospelltemple@yahoo.com , have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 2 days that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband. Thanks for Dr.Mako. His email: Makospelltemple@yahoo.com OR.His WhatsApp Number:+2347054263874.

Felishacool

My husband seek for divorce with no reasons for almost 4 years and i tried all i could to have him back cos i really love him so much but all my effort didn't work out, we met at our early age in college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married happily for 5 years with no kid and he woke up one morning and he told me he’s going on a divorce, i thought it was a joke and when he came back from work he tender to me a divorce letter and he packed all his belonging from my house and left. i was devastated and i tried all i could to have him back but all did not work. I was lonely for almost 4 years, So i contacted a man who says he is a spell caster and i told the spell caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for his full name and his picture. I gave him that. At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try cos i have tried so many spell casters and there is no solution, so when he finished with the readings, he got back to me that he’s with a woman and that woman is the reason why he left me, The spell caster said he will help me with a spell that will surely bring him back, but i never believe all this he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days. 3 days later, he called me himself and came to me apologizing and he told me he will come back home. I can't believe this, it was like a dream cos i never believe this will work out after trying many spell casters and there is no solution. The spell caster is so powerful and after that he helped me with a pregnancy spell and i got pregnant a month later, we are now happy been together again and with lovely kid. This spell caster has really changed my life and i will forever thankful to him, he has helped many of my friends too with similar problem and they are happy and thankful to him. This man is indeed the most powerful spell caster i have ever experienced in life. Am Posting this to the Forum in case there is anyone who has similar problem and still looking for a way out. you can reach him here: website Link EMAIL: marvelspelltemple@gmail.com or on +2348071660388

AndrewPowell

I've been really depress and been in so much pains after my wife left me. Our son is just 8 without her mother. Life can be very displeasing especially when i try every way possible to get her back and all i got is been scammed by this fake Spiritual Spell Casters.... I'm new on this spell stuff but after talking and chatting with Dr. Trust then i realize he is the man i can completely trust. I know there are many of you out there who are in the same problem too and also looking for a real spell caster that can give wealth and bring back your love again.. Dr. Trust is real and in just 2 days of his spell my whole story got turn around and things started to be as before.

I followed his advice and Spell instructions, and fortunately, I'm a success story! Kathy is back now and im so glad our son got to see her mother again. Now we're better than ever. Dr. Trust spell really worked and he has been very helpful, and I can't believe it worked so well! I'm honestly, still in shock! :) If you feel like your relationship is salvageable, and you need help contact him .. It never too late ((Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com or Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com WEB SITE: Link OR CALL +2348156885231

MorrisAnn

I want to share my great experience to the whole world about how i got my lover back. I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank Lord Alika for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found lordalikaspelltemple@yahoo.co.uk a grate spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast. two days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for past 6 months now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. Lord Alika released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I'm writing this testimony right now I'm the most happiest girl on earth and me and my boyfriend is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that's why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.All thanks goes to Lord Alika for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, she will definitely help you too. lordalikaspelltemple@yahoo.co.uk or Link call him +2348072718865

veartwani

Hello

My name is veart(single). I was impressed when i saw your profile today at and i will like to establish a long lasting relationship with you. In addition,i will like you to reply me through this my private e-mail box(veartwani@ymail.com)
Thanks
waiting to hear from you soon.
veart
I will send to you my pictures in my next mail through this my mail box

veartwani@ymail.com