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Our Breaking Up Experts

MJ Acharya

MJ Acharya

Author, blogger and healer of broken hearts

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Mike Riley

Mike Riley

Co-author of How To Heal A Broken Heart In 30 Days

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Melissa Kantor

Melissa Kantor

Author of the young adult novel The Breakup Bible

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The latest news on this change — carefully culled from the world wide web by our change agents. They do the surfing, so you don't have to!

Top 5 Things to Do

Breaking up can be hard for anyone, regardless of how the relationship ended. In order to get past the pain and be better prepared for your next partner, there’s some work you need to do first. Here are the five most important things you need to do to get past this breakup.

1. Accept that it’s over.

Letting go of the idea that the flame can be rekindled is the best way to get you moving toward your future. The relationship ended because it wasn’t working. View it as a learning experience and do your best to be grateful for it.

2. Don't contact your ex.

It may feel like you are drowning, and the nearest life raft is the telephone. In this fragile time, do your best to avoid interacting with your ex unless it’s absolutely necessary. When the urge to call strikes, call a friend who will talk you down and help you work out your feelings.

3. Avoid rebound relationships.

Sleeping with someone else will be a distraction, not a solution. This should be a time of self-examination. Running to a rebound relationship robs you of the opportunity to evaluate what went wrong and whether these problems are just a pattern of setting yourself up for defeat.

4. Call a friend.

After all, friends exist for moments like these. Who else is going to sit down with you and analyze every possible detail of what was right or wrong in the relationship? Those friends will also be there to give you a fresh perspective and help you get back to your everyday life.

5. Avoid the blame game.

It might temporarily bring comfort to feed your sense of self-righteousness by saying, “He was such a horrible person” or “She never appreciated how wonderful I was to her.” Ultimately, this isn’t helpful. Nor is endlessly repeating, “I’m a terrible person. No wonder he (or she) left me.” The truth is there were two people in the relationship and both made mistakes.

Posted: 10/3/07

I found this website thru the Redbooks article. I am hoping it helps. I was with him for 5 1/2 years and living together the last 1 then bang, I was smoothering him and he wanted his freedom and he tried he really tried...It's been 2 months but unfortunately something happens and we are in contact about once a week but I believe it is coming to an end which I see is the best. This site seems like it will be very helpful. I also like the book recommendations. thanks!


Letting go and not contacting the other person was the hardest to do but it makes it easier after you accept the fact that there was a problem and it was not working.

  • By Taser53
  • on 6/9/08 12:44 PM EST