First 30 Days Blog

28 oct

3 Common Marital Problems and How to Deal with Them

RobertCordrayNo two people are exactly alike, and when it comes to relationships, this is a good thing. After all, it’s generally the differences that make a person unique and exciting. However, when two people have been together for a long time, those little differences that used to seem so charming can start to get a little old.

This is especially true when a couple decides to make it official and settles down into marriage. Those who have been married for many years can attest that the wedding bond is a connection like no other. And like no other relationship, it can enrich your lives in countless ways, but only if you both work at keeping it strong.

So, in the spirit of making sure that your marriage stands the test of time, here are three common relationship problems, and how you and your spouse can work together to overcome them.

1. Money troubles

Let’s just get this one out of the way. A recent study performed by researchers at Kansas State University has concluded that the leading cause of divorce are issues relating to finances—arguments about savings, spending habits, important purchases, salary and employment, and pretty much anything else associated with the “root of all evil.” Disagreements regarding money may often stem from other marital issues, such as spousal roles or clashing priorities.

However, sometimes an argument about money is just that. When dealing with finance issues, it’s important to remember that money only has real value as a means to an end. Your foremost goal in marriage should be the happiness of your spouse. If spending habits are causing friction, then sit down with your better-half and discuss the issues at hand. Be sure to keep things civil, and be willing to reach compromise. Consider opening a joint account into which you can deposit the bulk of your earnings (say, 90% or so), and split the remaining percentage between two separate accounts. Each spouse will be able to use one of the accounts for whatever they desire, thus eliminating the burden of using joint money for unnecessary purchases.

Remember, your marriage is more important than a few extra bucks spent or saved, so if you find that your money habits are causing problems, be mature about it and be willing to make some changes.

2. Intimacy issues

Much like money, intimacy problems in a relationship may be symptomatic of other existing problems. Although the mainstream media tends to casualise sex, the truth is that the physical act of love is an incredibly intimate experience. If there are issues regarding trust, hurt feelings, resentment, or any number of other issues, then time in the bedroom may become embarrassing, uninteresting, or even downright unpleasant. However, increased sexual activity between partners can also be a way to bridge communication gaps and address some of these other problems. As such, if your schedule doesn’t allow for much spontaneity, then you might consider setting aside a certain amount of time every evening or two for couple intimacy—you’ll be able to work out any friction or kinks that you might have in your marriage with a little kinky friction.

If you find that there are problems associated with the act itself, then there are any number of therapists or websites that you can visit to get a few pointers (just make sure you’ve got your antivirus software running and up to date). Marital aides can also spruce up a humdrum sex life, and if men find that they are having trouble lasting long enough to get the job done, premature ejaculation treatment may be the way to go. And although sex is certainly important, don’t skimp out on the other areas of romance either. Regular date nights, in addition to the everyday kindnesses and compassion that are so important for letting your spouse know you care will also help your marriage last.

3. Children

It’s been argued that the main purpose of marriage is to provide a secure and safe environment in which children can be raised. Unfortunately, some new parents see the arrival of their little ones as the end of youth and the death of their social lives. Well, you know what? To an extent, they’re right. Children require a lot of time and energy, and have a way of demanding your undivided attention for most, if not all, hours of the day. Well, suck it up. When you chose to bring an innocent life into this world, you took on a responsibility that far outweighs your need to stay out late and party. Of course, that’s not to say that you and your spouse couldn’t benefit from a little bit of time away.

Stresses involved with children have a way of wearing down emotions, and because parents (generally) know not to take out their frustration on the kids, they often turn on each other. Instead, plan for some quality away-time where the two of you can catch your breath and recharge. At the same time, be sure that you’re not constantly looking for ways to escape your kids. Plan family activities, and make sure that your children know that you love them and love to be around them. They’ll grow up all too soon, and then you’ll have to beg them to hang out with you. Above all, don’t look at your children as another ‘problem’ that needs to be fixed; see them for what they are: the best and most important parts of your life.

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Posted by Robert Cordray on October 28th, 2013 in Relationships | 0 comments

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