First 30 Days Blog

02 nov

Coming Out of Survival 9: A Call To Purpose


A Call To Purpose

My car recently broke down for the second time in less than two weeks just days after I just had it repaired. I was a few blocks away from home exiting the expressway and the car died right as I exited the exit ramp directly in front of a house where a man in his early forties stood. I asked for his help and he reluctantly walked over to my car. I explained to him that I lived just a few blocks away, pointed to my building in near view, and asked could he please help me push my car the short distance. Again, he reluctantly agreed and started to push my car while I had the gear in neutral. As he pushed, I began to have contractions in my chest, energetic indications of worry of the cost for yet another repair adding to the myriad of major expense recently hitting me. As the car was being pushed, I remembered the words from my Guru just heard two days prior, which were to see everything and anything experienced in life as a blessing. As insane as this may sound to some, if not to all, I immediately expressed gratitude and thanked the Universe for my car breaking down yet again for the second time in less than two weeks just four days after repairing it and without having any money to fix what I concluded to be an expensive job. This time it appeared to be a problem with the motor; well at least, that was the story being told in my head.

The man continued to push the car by himself as I steered and kept the car in neutral. We were only a few blocks away from my house with too short of a distance to call AAA, but too far for the man to push the car all by himself. No one bothered to help us until my helper’s friend, a mechanic, drove up and in his truck, and looked to examine the car. He then tries to start the car and the car would not go past an initial jolt. Both men then started to push the car and the mechanic motioned that they were getting back into his truck and push my car with his truck. He proceeded to push my car with his truck and my car went gliding down the street in neutral, but stopped its glide a few feet away from my place. The two men then took off and I was left in the middle of the street with the dead car right in the middle of a busy intersection where many drivers deemed the four-way stop signs optional and at their leisure.

I got out of the car and started waving to passing motorists for help, and all of the drivers were all so kind to literally drive around and me and my car in periled condition. Not only did anyone not stop, but no one even slowed down. I was in disbelief. Anger and frustration began to arise inside of me. I could just hear in my head the voice of my Guru from a recent Retreat impressing upon us to see past form and instead see the Divine in everyone, as well as to see everything in life as the work of the Divine. Although I heard his voice, inside I was pissed as all hell and my humanness came out; I asked the proverbial question, “why is this happening to me,” and also, the follow-up of “why now,” in such precarious times as I’ve been undergoing such turbulent times with what seems to be no end near in sight. So since no one would help me, I took matters into the only willing hands, which were mine, I got out and started to push my car myself, at least out of the busy intersection. As I pushed, to add insult to injury torrential rain ofcourse started to downpour on me making the old adage “when it rains it pours” much more than just some cliché.

As I pushed, my life started to flash before me: everything I had done and not yet done, my businesses, the choices I had taken, the decisions I had made, the conventional path I had taken, my career in law, the victories, the defeats, my accomplishments, the incessant determination to succeed, the money problems, and the hardening struggles, and it all came down to this: me alone pushing car in the middle of the street. My mind then started to race into stories and conclusions of how expensive this repair would be, and coupled with all of the endless major expenses that were hitting me at this time, and how I now need this to happen like I need a hole in my head. My thoughts then directed me to an estimated $30,000 I was owed by clients and how receiving any tiny bit of that money owed would be treasured right now. Somehow, intuitively, I knew that I would not be seeing any bit of that money, atleast not any time soon. Anger filled the core of my very being, my eyes began to well up, and my mind went into inner dialogue of how this was so unfair as this was money I am rightfully owed for services I had provided to clients, that this was not money that I had stolen from anyone or money that I was begging for. It belonged to me. This was money I had earned and was owed! Tears filled my eyes and I started to sob. As I cried, my tears were a heart-wrenching quiet plea to God of when would this lifetime and generational struggle ever come to an end. I cried not only for my own struggles, but for the struggle of my father as there was so much that I wanted to give to him, my family, my ancestors, my best friends and all those whom I knew and did not know, yet I stood in their shoes. My pain was our pain.

In the midst of all of this, my heart’s voice quietly spoke to me and reminded me of a story I had just recently heard my Guru relate of when he was on his path and had lost quite a bit of money equivalent to his savings to a trusted friend whom had betrayed him. Reminded of his words and teachings, I started to pray and send love and light to all those that owed me money, and for special blessings to be bestowed upon them. Without clinging to any outcome to be paid, I prayed with as much purity of the heart I had in that moment. I also set an intention to the Universe to be used to serve their highest good. I was also reminded of the words of a close friend whom had recently stated to me that although it may not appear so, my life was being cleared up in ways that I could never imagine and I was on the right path. He went further to say to me that the path that I had decided to take with my life is the path to the end of all suffering so stay the course. I then prayed to God and asked for help, as I’ve come to learn that God’s love is unconditional but its help is not; in other words, you have to call on it.

By this time, I had managed to push my car out of the busy intersection and looked up and saw an elderly man waving towards my attention indicating to me help was on its way. The elderly man, kind and gentle with a prosthetic leg came to my rescue with his mini-van and carefully pushed my car with such intimate care as if my car was a tiny little infant child, including taking out a crisp white shirt of his to place between the two cars. He did not want to scratch my beautiful car as he put it. Extremely touched and with all my heart, I told him, “No worries, Papi.” I opened my trunk and pulled out my orange Yoga mat to serve as a soft cushion between the two vehicles. Together, we were able to get my car to a safe resting space at my building stopping occasionally to pick up the fallen Yoga mat. I thanked the kind elderly man and gave him all of the cash I had in my wallet including the two singles I had found in a Home Depot parking lot earlier that day.

I went upstairs to my apartment and went into meditation asking for the blessing in all of the adversity and precarious times I was having at the moment and through intention, asked for the lesson(s) to be revealed to me. I did not receive any insight during the meditation. With a heavy heart filled with fear, worry, frustration, exhaustion, doubt, including self-doubt and the spiritual path, and a readiness to give-up, I fell asleep. The next morning I was awakened by a mass choir of angelic voices chanting my name and singing to me that all is well and all would be well, followed by the showing of pages of a book in print and then followed by the Universal sound of Om. As I’ve been on the spiritual path for a year, I have heard the Universal sound of Om before; however, but the hearing of angelic voices singing was a first occurrence for me.

Later that day, insight of the blessing and lessons to be learned begin to unfold and I realized that the darkest hours I had found myself in the midst of over the last few months with mounting obstacles was a direct call to purpose from the Universe, a call which I had not yet fully answered but had heard for quite some time now but ignored it. I realized also that like my Guru, my money karma was being cleared out and what was also happening where money was concerned was a direct response to the strongest intentions I had previously set to have my money karma not just be released, but annihilated. I also realized I had to be in a total acceptance of everything happening and resist nothing, and this was the true meaning and essence of the state of allowance. But without question, inherent in the insight was the strong forceful push for me to get out of my comfort zone, completely let go of the known, the familiar and to step entirely into the unknown. The writing is on the wall; that is, I must surrender all fear, do away with self-concern, and put all of me, my energy, time and resources into truly living out my purpose and the time is now.

In all of this, I realize one must truly learn to view the events that you perceive as obstacles as perfect opportunities to test your resolve and find your purpose and that one’s entire life existence is set up this way. One must treat everything from your car breaking down to illness, to loss of a job, a failed relationship and all else in between, as an opportunity and a calling for one to turn away from one’s familiar comfort zone, the world of the mundane, and step into the vast openness of the unknown, the totality of possibilities, and move towards one’s call to purpose.

Wani Manly

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Posted by Wani Manly on November 2nd, 2010 in Uncategorized | 2 comments

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  • Dearest Wani! It is beautiful to know that You are living the teachings of Beloved Guruji. My heart is full of joy & I wish for complete surrender of all! May you keep on rising — like the lotus flower in amidst of a muddy pond revealing its immaculate beauty for all to rejoice in! With Much Love Always, ulla

    — Added by ullasunbeam on November 3rd, 2010
  • Dearest Wani,
    You truly have a gift for writing and inspiring people though your words. I am inspired by your blog and challenged to look more into the blessings in my life as well as the positives no matter how hard things are currently looking. Thank you for this amazing lesson of surrendering to the unknown and opening to Graces love.
    Love Viviana

    — Added by vitaylor on November 5th, 2010

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