First 30 Days Blog

09 sep

My World Upside Down

I am 53 and going through a divorce, not by my decision, but my husband’s. There is so many things that are involved with this change that I don’t really know where to focus first. He is going through a midlife crisis (claims he will never get old with his earrings and now tatoos, as they are working for him) having an affair with a mutual friend (who is obese) (whom I shared my life and problems about my marriage with – unbeknownst to me that she would use that against me) She shares the same 1st name as mine, has become very best friends with my 16 year old daughter, now my daughter has pretty much regected me. My husband is verbally abusive, and now with this new realtionship become more of an alcoholic. Due to the abusive problems I had to leave in a hurry and leave my daughter behind. We tried 5 times to put things back together over the last year but the other women would not leave him alone and he didn’t do much to discourage this as they work for the same company. I have been going through counseling and going to the YWCA for domestic violence support. That has been helpful, but I am having a awful time not missing my husband (he was not always like this I know the man he was before, and that was a kind and caring man.) I want to e-mail him or what ever, to see if there is any love there, to see if we are making a mistake, but have not done this as I am afraid of the answer. I hear he looks terrible and is drunk most of the time. My heart says help him, but my head is(through counseling) saying no. How do I get through this? We went through bankruptcy and lost out house. I still love him, although I know I shouldn’t, but I cannot get him out of my heart and head after 27 years. I feel upside down with my heart, help!!

Shared by SisterSuz.

Posted by First 30 Days on September 9th, 2009 in Personal Stories | 2 comments

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  • SisterSuz, I feel for you. I too am going through a divorce (at age 59) though mine has less conflict than yours. Nevertheless, it is an incredibly difficult time. I do believe that everything in life is an opportunity and I am focusing on that knowledge, friends, family and my increased spiritual interest. Remember to try to stay in the present moment and not let yourself get depressed about the future. And remember to BREATHE. Love to you.

    Shared by msm1950.

    — Added by First30Days on September 9th, 2009
  • Suz: One day at a time!! You have to take care of yourself-there’s very little you can do about your husband. Whatever he’s going through is definitely not good. But, if he doesn’t try and help himself, no one else will be able to either. Get up, get out, find new interests and move forward. It will hurt-especially since you’ve been together for so long. My heart is with you, and I wish you well.

    Shared by Deannemary.

    — Added by First30Days on September 9th, 2009

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