First 30 Days Blog

09 aug

Why doesn’t anything ever work out

This a long one, all my life I have felt pain in my heart. To do this without crying , I am not going to stop the tears. At a young age I found myself already depressed, coming home from school without any friends. I felt no one cared or loved me. I still hold in my heart my Lord. I know all of this is not for no reason. I have been mentally, and physically and spiritually abused. Why is that, I have a kind heart and would never hurt someone on purpose, I took my jacket off me at a car accident there was a lady in shock she was cold I couldnt stand to see her that way, I have always been this way, anytime there is an accident near I make sure the children are alright help is on the way and i ripped my jacket off my back, I had to help her.

Then my son tore up my apartment, I went to raise him in Montana, I ended up trusting my gut feeling and took him to the emergency room, he was into drugs, alchohol, cigarettes, and he was having sex with the pastor in that state whom had a wife and 3-4 children. I feel I God told me to do that so I acted on it. I am not sorry,.

Then my dad waited till I got to 38 years old to date rape me I have horrible nightmares and flashes of what happened that night. Actually I do not know how many raped me that night.

I have had a drug history of 20 or more years and can not stop sticking a needle in me now, my doctor knows, my AA sponser of 16 years knows, I know but can not stop till I have abcesses all over my arms and feet. I am very suicidal from time to time and have problems mentally bipolar scizoaffective disorder and severely clinically depressed did I forget to mention I have post traumatic stress syndrome

All I can say

Sheyangel my nick name.

Shared by greenidangel67.

Posted by First 30 Days on August 9th, 2009 in Personal Stories | 1 comments

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One Comment

  • I want you to know I will pray for you.

    Shared by Shayblaze.

    — Added by admin on August 22nd, 2009

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