First 30 Days Blog

08 aug

Unhappily Married for papers

My story began with myspace. I met a handsome artist and we hit it off right away. I mean he used to make me wet my pants over msn chats. Hope that’s not too explicit. He lived about 7 hours drive from me. We loved talking on the phone everyday.
He seemed perfect for me.
I traveled the distance to meet him in person and this was the beggining of my story.
He met me downtown (public place of course). I felt he was just the same as he was on msn and phone so we took a taxi to his city. Dropped my stuff off at his place and went out to dinner.
After dinner he said if I really want to be with him, we would have to get married. No idea where this was going. He is calm, consistent, charming, sexy, talented…I said I would be honoured to be his wife.
2 weeks later, he’s in jail, for 2 months, I’m still with him. I know, red flag. Well it didn’t help me. He got deported and he decided I should marry him in his country. I didn’t feel good about it. My family wasn’t being supportive. Although many attempts to get myself out of this, I secretly went and married him in his country. Oh yes.
I spent ten days with him. We haven’t seen each other in six months. He spent most of the time at work except for the two half days he took off to arrange the marriage. This bothered me. He didn’t spend any time touching my body although we did have sex. I kinda had to insist on it. I understand that he was unconfortable to make too much noise at his family’s house but this made me uncomfortable too. When I tried to talk about it with him he avoided the conversation. Let’s just say he avoids all conversations.
Since then, it has been a year and a half of lies, prommises and excuses. I seem to fall for them everytime. I have not seen him since. We fight all the time cuz I wanna see him on web cam and there’s always a reason it doesn’t work out. In the past 2 years I have seen him about 4 times on web cam. I’ve cried about it and he laughs at me calling me a baby. I feel undesirable to him.
Lately , he’s cracking jokes at my personality. Telling me I’m always complaining. I feel cheap , never got a gift from him. I bought our wedding rings at a flea market while he was at work the day before we got married. I sold it for 20 bucks a long time ago. Just waned to get rid of it.
We cannot talk to each other for more than 3 minutes, he hangs up. I feel guilty, like i’m trying to be a good supportive wife but not getting the same in return.
I have to make a decision that is gonna effect the rest of my life so please help me figure this one out. Why am I still with him?
He is waiting for me to send the application so he can live here with me.I’m afraid I might go ahead and do it. I don’t know how to get out of this.
I get really depressed when I don’t talk to him. I feel sometimes, he might be right. He is very convincing. I blocked him on msn. I blocked my text messages but I don’t feel strong enough to not answer his calls.
I have so much doubt that I might be wrong either way I decide to go with. I’m so confused about this. I would love to hear anyone’s oppinion, expert or not to help me with this. It’s been going on for too long and I’m missing out on life.
-Unhappily Married for papers

Shared by missayari.

Posted by First 30 Days on August 8th, 2009 in Personal Stories | 3 comments

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  • I don’t know what has compelled me to write to you the most – 1. I just feel for you greatly and just wanted you to know that! 2. Years ago a friend of mines sister married a man from another country and it turned out to be a terrible and expensive mistake for her. He was from Jordan. I don’t remember most of the specifics but I do remember that thier laws on marraige are COMPLETELY different than ours. Please check into this, especially in regards to children. I know that is putting the cart before the horse but just a “warning”. Also I had a neighbor who married someone from Mexico and her story sounds a bit like yours, again turned out terrible. It sounds like your “heart” is telling you to beware so listen to YOU! Try meditating on the question, this always helps me. You know the answers already they are within you, allow them to come out. Just gently hold the question in your heart and the answer will come. Meditate, Pray, and keep reaching out and remember we are ALL here for you! – Lauren

    Shared by wutupcuddin

    — Added by admin on August 23rd, 2009
  • Thank you so much Kaywheeler :)

    Shared by missayari.

    — Added by admin on August 23rd, 2009
  • Hi, I am reading a book that stated that you need to know someone 40 days before you head to bed. But that is passed for you. I get the feeling that he only wants you for the green card that he would get if you bring him to the states. If you stop accepting his calls, and tell him to write you, thoughts put into words have a lot of energy in them. Ask you Higher Power to assist you with the strength that you need to be strong.

    Shared by kaywheeler.

    — Added by admin on August 23rd, 2009

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