First 30 Days Blog

29 aug

The Love of My Life…Just a Muse?

My story is unique simply because I am now looking at it from an altered state of mind. A place of peace that is very sacred to me. I am 22 years old and have had my ups and downs, but I have always known I have this awesome ability to love and love completely. I started late in the date scene due to religious practices and really didn’t get comfortable around men until college, which is not rare, but was still a hindrance to me. I dated two men steadily before I found Matt. A body builder…and my first. I feel for him like a brick. He was funny and out-going not to mention handsome. We dated for several months before committing to a relationship. When I started dating Matt, I was in the throws of an eating disorder. Back then it was hard just feeling human. I couldn’t do what everyone else seemed to be doing…enjoying life. But Matt was something solid and steady for me. I had never had that in my life at least not at the time. When I started expressing my love for him, that’s when I finally stopped being afraid. For so long I didn’t want to trust myself let alone anyone close to me. He allowed me freedom and peace of mind. I was so excited that I gave everything I could into the relationship. Call me a fool, but it gradually feel apart due to my ability. I knew this would happen you see because I wasn’t being my true self when i started dating him. It was only after we separated that I realized I had become Lily again. And now without a doubt I can say I love myself. I love my body. I love my health. Matt may not have been the one for me, but he gave me back the ability to love and for that I will always love him.

Shared by lholle6.

Posted by First 30 Days on August 29th, 2009 in Personal Stories | 0 comments

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