First 30 Days Blog

26 jul

My Son

My son will soon be sentenced for a robbery he committed in December. He got hooked on drugs and gambling, and robbed a restaurant. This is the first time anyone in my family has been incarcerated. I can’t find the good in any of this. We are afraid for him- because we hear so many stories of how dangerous prison is. I have been physically sick for awhile due to worry. My son’s father is depressed and my current husband has been without me (attention-wise) for months. How do I deal with this?

Shared by Deannemary.

Posted by First 30 Days on July 26th, 2009 in Personal Stories | 4 comments

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  • You need to find outside support, church member’s..Someone you can open up to and trust. I’m going thro a similar situation. I’ll pray for you and your son that he will give you strength. It’s especially hard when we have no control. The judicial system just takes over…But maybe it’s a learning experience they need to go through in order to become a better person.

    Shared by nancyann50.

    — Added by admin on August 23rd, 2009
  • Nessagirl and Cobber-thank you for your helpful replies. Seeing responses today made me feel better-not so alone. I will hope for the best.

    Shared by Deannemary.

    — Added by admin on August 23rd, 2009
  • Deannemary –
    Thank you for sharing. I can’t imagine what a challenging time this is for you and your family. I don’t know where you are in terms of your personal faith in God (and the purpose of our exchange is not to tell you what you should believe), but this is certainly a time where you may need more faith than you’ve ever had to exercise before because logic alone will leave you completely baffled.
    You are understandably afraid for you son, but two questions you may want to ask yourself:
    1) What might become of your son if he remains free on the streets to continue gambling and doing drugs? Could it be an even worst outcome than incarceration? Is it possible that incarceration might provide him an opportunity to get clean and free of his addictions where nothing else has worked?
    2) While there are certainly horror stories of the dangers of prison, are there any equally redeeming stories of people’s whose lives have been completely changed because of their time in jail? Are there people who literally credit prison with saving their lives and taking them off a path of destruction and death?
    I encourage you to eagerly search and find those stories – they’re out there. Build your faith that, what might appear to be a horrific turn of events for your son, could be the very thing that saves his life.
    What has worked for me in times of insufferable trial, like my mother being diagnosed with cancer, is trusting that my God can turn around the ugliest circumstances and use them for good. Pumping myself up or thinking positively only worked temporarily. The situations were by no means pleasant (and sometimes it was hard to see the good), but what emerge from them was life-changing growth that never would have occurred without that trial. And my faith has never failed me.
    That is what works for me countless times over (and there will be more life situations to come), but you must determine what you will allow to work for you. I will pray for you and your son.

    Shared by nessagirldc.

    — Added by admin on August 23rd, 2009
  • This is tough. I know. You won’t have any answers for awhile. The only thing you can do is pay attention to your own discombobulation—your pain and bewilderment. Don’t try to fight it. You have to feel it. And under no circumstances spend time apart from your loved ones. Be with them, especially your husband even if you simply stare at the walls together. You never know what you can say to help each other if you’re in different rooms. And don’t expect much out of each other. Just be together.

    Shared by cobber.

    — Added by admin on August 23rd, 2009

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