First 30 Days Blog

06 jul

Clifornia Dreaming…

I was born and raised in Massachusetts. For as long as I can remember, I have been planning to move to Encinitas, California. “Someday”. I don’t know anyone out there, but I’ve always felt drawn to that area because of the spiritual community and the weather. When I’ve visited on vacations, I’ve always felt at home.

I have actually tried twice in the past 8 years to make that move. The first time I met someone right at the time I was getting ready to sell my house and move. We entered into what turned out to be a 4 year relationship. That actually worked out for the best because I was here when my sister got pregnant and have been very involved in her daughter’s life. Had I gone to California at that time, I would have missed all of that and not be as close to my neice as I am now. The next attempt was a couple of years ago. I had sent out some resumes in hopes of landing a job that would bring me out there. I even got a couple of phone interviews but nothing came of it. One place that sounded perfect turned out to be pretty unreasonable with they’re expectations for the position that I applied for and the salary they were offering. I would not have liked it there had I accepted that job. I think that has worked out for the best too, because I really want to change my career and the thought of continuing in this career path gives me a hive.

So now, I’m constantly struggling with my desire to go there and the things/ideas that are keeping me from it. The range is wide and sometimes nonsensical! From the outside, I have nothing really holding me back. I’m single, no children, and no real ties to this area other than my family and I own a townhome. The things that I find are holding me back are that I will miss my niece terribly (she’s 3), I have 3 cats and am unsure about traveling with them (afraid they will die on the plane), and fears about tying up the loose ends here with my townhome and the logistics of everything. Oh, and money of course.

When I talk about making this move with the people in my life, I am always confronted with sadness and sometimes an unhealthy sense of possession. My friends truly want the best for me, and know that this has been a dream of mine. But they don’t want me to leave. My mother cries and tells me I can’t leave until she’s dead (Oy). My dad is supportive but is also sad about it. When I talk to others who are not as deeply connected to me, I always get the opposite….better do it now because you’re not getting any younger.

Though I believe for many things, there’s no time like the present, I have tried to make my choices in life thru connecting with my intuition. I’ve found that although I am ready to jump out of my skin right now at the thought of postponing my plans another day, and facing another New England winter, that right now is not the right time. And I guess I’m getting impatient with this guidance! Has anyone experienced a similar situation where the runway seemed lit for take off but you just weren’t ready to go for some reason? Something was holding you back? Even though you really wanted to go? How did that work out for you?

I know this was long, thanks for reading it!


Shared by Starryskai.

Posted by First 30 Days on July 6th, 2009 in Personal Stories | 6 comments

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  • Hi NessagirlDC,
    Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts with me! It truly means so much! Thank you for your advice, I will do what you suggest and see where it takes me.

    Shared by Starryskai.

    — Added by admin on August 24th, 2009
  • Hi Starryskai –
    I’m a California Girl, so I’m a bit partial to enjoying the West Coast weather, but more than that, I totally understand your dilemma. The other responders have given good insight. As a life coach, one thing I realize is that the only reason we don’t do something we “think” we really want to do is because we associate far more pain to doing the thing than “not” doing the thing. Pain can take a lot of forms – it can be the pain of leaving behind family members (as you shared earlier), it can be fear of failure, fear of being alone, fear of being ridiculed or ostracized by people we love. So, even though you’ve dreamed of moving to California for so long, I would bet that if you really sit and think about it, some of the issues I raised above might be at play. So here’s my suggestion to you:
    1) Think about WHY you’ve wanted to go to California for so long. Someone mentioned it in an earlier post. Is this your own personal motivation, something you think you “should” do, or is it someone else dreams. For years, I pursued a career that I absolutely hated just because I thought it was what I was supposed to do. I thought it was the ONLY way that I could be successful and support my family. No one ever told me that, so there was no one to blame; it was just my perception of what a successful woman did. One day I literally just quit and never looked back, and it was the best thing I could have done for myself. The point again is that I realized the goal was not of my own true motivation, even though I had adopted it as my own for so long.
    2) Imagine your life 1 year from now, then 5 years from now. How are you going to feel if you DON’T move to California in 1 year, in 5 years? What will you have gained by staying in New England versus the experiences will you miss out on? How will you feel about yourself by not making the change? On the flip side, if you DO move, what will you have gained by moving to California. What experiences will you have? Do you see yourself as a better, happier, more vibrant person? Will you be more authentic? Think about what changes you will see in 1 year, then in 5. How will it affect your love life, your friendships, your joy level, etc.?
    This goes beyond a pro and con list. This is really about identifying how much pleasure or enjoyment you will have by making a decision and how much pain or discomfort you will have by not making a decision. Neither decision is wrong, but through this process, you will get very clear on which decision will fire you up more and get you living at the heights of life! And that, my friend, is what life is all about. This process will help bring some structure to your intuition, so that it can perhaps speak to you in an even clearer way.
    I hope this was helpful and i wish you all the best! Please keep us posted on what you decide.

    Shared by nessagirldc

    — Added by admin on August 24th, 2009
  • Thank you so much ashkwheeler! It’s so great to hear from someone who actually did it! I feel boosted by your story, and I appreciate it so much!

    Shared by Starryskai.

    — Added by admin on August 24th, 2009
  • Hi Julie,
    I’m a fellow Massachusetts girl, I can relate to alot of what you said…but there’s always going to be something in your life that will keep you from going out to California and pursuing a dream of yours. If you don’t go, one day you may wake up and regret it.
    Yes, moving across the country can been seen as a scary thing..what are you going to do for a job, where are you going to live, will I make friends like I have at home etc. I asked myself all those same questions before I decided to move from Boston to Austin. I actually had wanted to move to Colorado about 4 years ago but let my fears and anxieties hold me back. This time I didn’t, I decided in January I was moving to Austin and 10 days later I was down here. Everything has worked out for me, yes there were tough times and lonely days… but I’ve been here for 6 months, I like my job and I’m learning ALOT about myself, what I’m capable of, what I want out of life, and who I am. I am so happy here and I feel like this is where I belong.
    It’s possible to do it. Use your network, start talking to friends/acquaintences and see if they know people out there that may be able to help you.
    You’re only a plane ride away. Good luck!

    Shared by ashkwheeler.

    — Added by admin on August 24th, 2009
  • Thank you Cobber, I appreciate your thoughts. I often wonder if I am pursuing things because I think they’re cool or because others think they’re cool. It’s funny how much what other’s think can influence one’s decisions.

    Shared by Starryskai.

    — Added by admin on August 24th, 2009
  • Julie, when I read your story, I can’t help but think of times in my life when I did things I felt ambivalent about, things that everyone said were pleasurable or “really cool” but that I didn’t really care about. Of course, I didn’t figure this out until a few years later. In the end it didn’t matter what people thought. The bottom line was this. When I figured out I shouldn’t do things I felt ambivalent about, I was able to concentrate on the things I loved. And some of those things were just plain old mundane, day-to-day things at and around home. Anyway, that’s just a thought.

    Shared by cobber.

    — Added by admin on August 24th, 2009

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