First 30 Days Blog

06 jun

The Loss of My Baby

I was pregnant 28 weeks and now I’m not…it’s a huge change my daughter (Fiona) is no longer growing inside me. I don’t feel her kick anymore, and the dreams of watching her grow and do things are gone. I don’t know what to do with myself. Try again say some… don’t worry say others… you’ll get pregnant again…how can one know that? It took over a year to get pregnant this time…what if i don’t… where does this leave my husband and me? When will the sadness dissipate?

Shared by mgambone4894.

Posted by First 30 Days on June 6th, 2009 in Personal Stories | 1 comments

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  • I was so sorry to read of your loss. Not one for prolific blogging, I am finding more and more reasons to write these days. In reaching out to each other, we women seem to form an intricate and powerful web of the strongest silken threads that hold us together in the bonds of sisterhood.
    Let me share a story with you, in the hopes it will bring you some peace, if not something to consider.
    My daughter Emma is almost 8 1/2. When she was a few years younger, she started to say to me “I chose you.” I thought this was very cute indeed but also a little bit intriguing because that kind of language wasn’t familiar to me. My son, now almost 6 1/2 says the same thing.
    My purpose of mentioning this to you is that I now fully and firmly believe that in fact, my children DID choose me. In fact, they chose me in the few years where my body was physically able to carry them (which wouldn’t be the case now). I almost died twice on the day my son was born. His was a high-risk pregnancy that my OB-GYN didn’t expect me to get through . . . my midwives weren’t even sure :-)
    My daughter also told me that when she “came into (me) to be born”, she had to move twin boys who were next in line out of the way and that she had been watching me for a long time; since I was a little girl.
    If this is true (and I believe it is) then the same is true for all souls . . . there are souls waiting and choosing and their spiritual and physical journeys must align with our own.
    This may not mean anything to you right now. It may not even make any sense . . . but I hope that some small part of you can take this in and know . . . for whatever reason, Fiona was needed elsewhere by someone else and so her soul (which I have been taught doesn’t fully “stay” until the moment of birth) has moved on.
    There is no form of comfort that I can really offer that would fill the void of your loss right now. All I can do is wish you strength, peace, gentle rather than ravaging tears and a glimmer of hope. There is always hope and the fervent belief that one day a beautiful child will “choose” you. They are waiting . . . you do the same. Rest, meditate, breath deeply, cry often (for now) and start to find reasons to smile as soon as you feel able.

    Shared by DivaMama.

    — Added by admin on August 24th, 2009

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