First 30 Days Blog

17 may

No Fire, Passion, Spark for Living

Please help me! I cannot seem to get going in my life now that my husband and the father of our six kids is forever gone out of my life. I have tried self talking, self help, goal lists, etc. But no matter what I do I cannot seem to get my passion, purpose, zeal for life going nowadays like I had way back then. It has been five years since my husband’s departure and I am still dealing with this. Thus it is so hard to bathe, get dressed, etc. I get up early to get the kids ready for school. When I get up I feel a deeeeep sadness. I just cannot seem to motivate myself, although I have even gone to the library to check out motivational books, etc., just trying to help myself. I do NOT have the energy, passion, fire to do so, and many times I just feel like lying down and sleeping away forever……..but I have these 6 babies?!

Shared by impressme.

Posted by First 30 Days on May 17th, 2009 in Personal Stories | 2 comments

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  • I am sending you hugs and love sunshine! I have been there in that place that I call the “zombie zone” in the past. Take comfort in the fact that you are truly making progress. You are aware of where you are and the way it is effecting you. you are reaching out and sharing. I know that it seems like you will never resurface from the muck and mire but I know you will. Those first baby steps are monumental and also joyous. I am so very proud of you!
    I would like you to do a few things for yourself in the next few weeks.
    1. When you become aware that you are presently in the “zombie zone” shake it off and move. Literally, like a dog after a bath and then force yourself to do something. Just get up and walk away. Brush your hair or make a cup of tea. Anything that will break the zone and bring you back to the present moment.
    2. When you are feeling sad say to yourself ” I am feeling sad” Allow yourself to feel sad for a few minutes only. I am going to allow myself to feel sad for 5 minute’s, then I’m going to let it go and move on. When your sad time is up get up and move to distract yourself.
    3. Whenever you have allowed yourself to feel sad for a time allow yourself equal time to remember a happy thought that same day. I know this can be hard to do sometimes. If it is find something of beauty to look at. I personally find beauty in nature and often just gaze out the window.
    4. Spend a little time outdoors each day. Take a moment to feel the warmth of the sun on your skin. The smell of green grass and flowers. The sounds of a birds song. The beauty of a bud in bloom.
    5. last but not least take care of and love yourself. I know, easier said then done. Remember baby steps. you may have to force yourself at first to just get up and do your personal daily cares. Just make up your mind that you will.
    On a more personal note. I was there in the “zombie zone” for many years. I was completely and totally lost to myself. I just shut down. In my “zone” I didn’t have to deal with feelings or thoughts of my own. I was an empty shell of person just barely existing on the lowest level of function. I just didn’t feel enough to care anymore. Like you I was in that dark empty cold place for over 5 yrs. I don’t ever want to go back there. I still find myself slipping back once in awhile and those five steps I just gave you are what I use to bring myself back to the surface again. In some ways I think I felt safe there. “In there” I couldn’t feel. I didn’t feel pain,hurt,loss or anything. While “in there” I also couldn’t feel love,joy,or peace. I still get teary and feel great sorrow whenever I think of that time in my life but I know its in the past and Although I am not able to change the past, I can look back on it now with compassion and love for the lost little girl I was then. Afraid and protecting myself the only way I knew how at the time.
    You are a far stronger person than you know right now and you will find your way. Trust the process. Tell yourself several times a day ” I AM STRONG, I AM CAPABLE”!

    Shared by angelblu.

    — Added by First30Days on August 28th, 2009
  • You are like this because you feel trapped, internally you are angry at your kids even though you know they are not to blame.
    These feelings are natural so you must allow yourself to experience them. You can do this by choosing not to let these feelings affect your behaviour but simply letting yourself wallow in them for a while almost like an objective impersonal observer.
    Secondly I suggest you get the kids to eat early one day or even (if you can arrange it) leave them with a friend for the night.
    Then simply let go, cry, shout and finally let youself fall into a deep sleep and do not bother about getting up in the morning. You need to discover your personal strength that magnificent person that you really are. Get your kids to let you know when you are being kind, helpful and decisive. I am sure they will be only too glad to point out your good qualities.

    Shared by simonm.

    — Added by First30Days on August 28th, 2009

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