First 30 Days Blog

23 apr

After 11 Years . . .

I’m 29 years old, have two wonderful children and have been married for almost 11 years.

I can’t say it’s all been bad, but there is a lot of hurt and resentment that I think I have sat on. A few years ago, I had the suspicion that my husband was cheating. At the time I told him, just be honest with me. We can deal with it and move on. Of course that was after the anger.

It took him over 6 years to finally fess up to me that he had cheated. When he told me, the reaction I had was one I didn’t expect. It flared a bit of anger, but after a few minutes…it was gone, like I didn’t even care.

I’ve caught him putting personal ads up on the internet, he denied it and tried to say it was a ‘friends’.

All the while, we’ve talked about it and I’ve in a since turned my head and taken his word that he isn’t doing anything physical.

Last week after going to the beach for a couple days with our children, I noticed a charge in the bank account, so I looked into it further. Again, I caught him putting ads up. He says his biggest complaint is not getting enough sex. I told him maybe if you gave me what I want, all of the other non sex stuff, you might get more of what you want.

I just find it hard to believe that more sex will settle anything. I’ve decided that I am done. I am not scared anymore, I am not worried about being ok without him. I am just ready to breathe. To be me.

But what is holding me back is, we’ve agreed he will keep the house. I don’t want it. But I pay a majority of the bills and without my help, he will have to either find some roommates or find a different job to pay for his bills. It was my idea for him to change jobs over a year ago so he could be home more. Now I want out and feel responsible that he can’t pay for his part of the bills.

I’m angry with him, and hurt, but not so much so that I want to ’stick’ it to him. I just don’t know what to do. I just know that I no longer envision my life and his together.

Shared by forme2009.

Posted by First 30 Days on April 23rd, 2009 in Personal Stories | 1 comments

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One Comment

  • My suggestion to you would be to stick it out and try counseling; it may not completely change the situation, but it may help. I have been married for 31 years and I can tell you without a doubt that it is worth sticking it out. We’ve had our ups and downs, but life together is worth it. Watching the kids grow up together is worth the frustration of today. Spend time in prayer and ask God to help you both put the past behind you. Don’t give up.

    Shared by janewolff2.

    — Added by First30Days on August 28th, 2009

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